i just got to work about an hour ago or so.. i have a picture of Indiana on my wall i took it down and looked at it a little bit and then i just lost it. I was sitting here crying like a baby into my sweater.. jeez.. i’d rather be home doing this. I’ve got so much work and stuff coming up i’m not sure how i will stay focused.. maybe if i just stop looking at the picture i will stop thinking about it.. it’s face down on my desk now. and thank god it’s friday.
birds aren’t normally as affectionate as, say, a dog but indiana loved getting hugs. picture me hugging my bird .. LOL she’d do the parrot version of a purr.. (sounds like a low growl) and when i brought home new toys for her.. she’d act like a total spoiled baby by dropping her wings and walking around bobbing her head like baby birds do when they want to be fed and making this sound that i find hard to explain… last night she was trying to whistle the tune to my three sons.. that was funny cuz she was getting the first couple notes right and then totally screwing up the rest . Scully plays with her too. she LOVES the bird and it’s funny watching her put balls or stuffed animals into her cage and waiting for the bird to throw it.. doesn’t the dog see she has no hands?! she’s going to be so sorely missed in the house. And I think scully will also be missing her a lot.
the necropsy and tissue samples are costing me $145 total. i know that sounds like a lot but i spend more on her in a year and i just *have* to know what happened. I keep blaming myself maybe i didn’t spend enough time as i should have or something and she died of sadness.. If it turns out it was something out of my control then it will make me feel so much better.
Every year around Sept 30th I tend to get depressed. I had a dog called Lucky back in 1996 that ended up dying in my arms. At that time I couldn’t afford test to find out what happened to her so instead I still blame myself. I suspect she died of rat poisonning. I blamed myself for years about that, and sorta feel that ever so familiar feeling coming over me now. I’m fully depressed about Indiana because I can’t help think of Lucky. Indiana had a happy home, with lots of friends. Scully will surely miss her, and I’m sure Indiana loved her company too.
Story about Lucky: At the time I was getting over my divorce, living in a rat infested apartment, and landlords had just set rat poison because I had woken up with a rat on my arm that eventually jumped on my headboard and ran out of my room. Talk about a way of waking up.
Anyways, I suspect the reason Lucky didn’t react was that she was used to seeing them. And when they laid the Rat Poison she might have eaten a rat that was dead or ate the poison itself? Who knows, but I wasn’t in my new place 24 hours and she was dying quickly. I was out of money, and couldn’t turn to nobody for a loan. She died about at 6am Oct 1st 1996. I felt her pain, her last breath and also felt her last puppy hug.
She used to great me by jumping on the bed, and throwing her paws on my shoulders and rub her head against mine. She was the most precious dog I had ever had in my life(Until Roxy). She had been given to me in July 1994 when I had my last really bad motorcycle racing accident that nearly did me in. I felt lucky that I walked away from that accident and left that track with a friend.
Like Lucky (that wasn’t so lucky after all) Indiana will be greatly missed, and never forgotten.
Wish I could have been there to hug you while you cried. Because I know the pain you feel right now. Trust me, it’s overwhelmingly here right now… *Tears in her eyes*
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