jada got a vigorous scrubbing today.. lol! she smells sooo good, i could just eat her up!!
now time for me to go to sleep.. zzzzzzz..
Monthly Archive for August, 2003
Tue
Aug, 12
2003
can’t sleep
I talked to dennis tonight and told him in detail the reasons I don’t feel secure in our own house and I managed to spook myself silly. So now I can’t sleep. I’m going to get a security system installed soon. not sure when but real soon. this week or next. I don’t feel 100% secure being alone at home every night with the baby. even when i go back to work it will be this way since he works nights. I’ve always felt somewhat insecure here but somehow it’s worse knowing I have a baby to protect too. it would take longer to run out of the house if i had to. ….anyway, enough about that.
I need to find some normalcy in my life. Life with jada has been anything but “normal” for me. I mean, there isn’t even a routine yet. i sleep whenever, eat whenever, and it’s even harder to get used to this new lifestyle when your house is swarming with visitors all the time. Since jada and i were discharged from the hospital we had only one (1) day alone to ourselves up until today. yesterday was our last day of visitors. dennis’ father, sister, mother, stepfather, aunt, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc… they’re all gone finally.
don’t get me wrong. it was nice having their help. especially his sister and his mother when she cared for jada and let us sleep on sunday. but still, it’s nice to finally have the house to ourselves. FINALLY!!!
NOW i can unwind and adapt to this new lifestyle change in my own way and get a few personal things done, including just relaxing ALONE. I really do thrive on being alone. If i don’t get enough alone time, i loose a bit of my sanity and i find i can’t function right. It’s like I lose myself. I can’t reflect on things unless i’m alone. or at least just alone w/ dennis.
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Fri
Aug, 8
2003
I need a vacation already.
whoever said infants don’t follow any kind of schedule wasn’t fucking kidding. so far she hasn’t had any 2 days that remotely resemble eachother when it comes to sleep/eating pattern. OMG!. and the last 24 hours have been murder.
it has been nonstop since about 9 or 10pm last night. from about 10pm? (i forget) she would not stop fussing and would not go to sleep. I’d put her to sleep only to have her wake up within 10 or 15 minutes. I’d already changed her diaper a few times, fed her about 3 times and used all means of entertainment i could think of. boppy pillow for tummy time, the swing, my own face, the lights in the living room (she can stare at those forever) nothing would keep her calm or make her go to sleep. so I just gave up and when dennis came home at 1am I handed her to him.
After watching dennis struggle with her for about 2 hours i gave in and took her from him. changed her diaper again only to find that the poop had made it up her back. this only 30 minutes after dennis had changed her diaper. I wiped her down, changed her clothes and also wiped her face, neck and chest when it looked like she might be too hot. I put lighter clothes on her and fed her YET AGAIN. that was good enough i guess and she finally went to sleep. And i went to bed too.
I think that was around 4am? well, she woke up again at 6, 8 ,10 ,12, 2, 4.. at 4pm i didn’t go back to bed when she did, instead i decided to eat. JUST enough time to eat tho cuz as i was done, she woke up at 6. ugh!. now it’s 7pm, i’m in the ‘computer garage’ w/ the monitor on and she sounds like she might be ready to wake up again. I STILL HAVE AN HOUR DAMMIT!!! YOU CAN’T WAKE UP YET!!!
oh, and i’ve got to mention that at 2pm, while changing her diaper she decided to let out her famous explosive poop midway thru the “diaper switch” .. it got on everything. her changing table, the tile, the throw carpet. ALL over my hand. my god!
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