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I should know better next time then to plan for and expect to have a great christmas. I got very excited because it was Jada’s first Christmas.. I was very much in a festive mood this year more so than I’ve been in the last 3+ years but my family hasn’t celebrated christmas with much gusto in a long time.. was dumb of me to expect anything different this time around… There was a big ass party a week before christmas but christmas itself… ugh..

Nobody got any gifts for anybody. Aside from the gifts i brought for my parents, gmother, and a couple other people, there was zero giftgiving. I was the only one. Nobody got anything for Jada either, and that really disappointed me. The party at my aunt’s was kindof a flop. there was barely anybody there, there was some more jerry drama (my brother) that I would have rather been without. My very drunk uncle tried to convince me that I needed to try to advise my brother that night. WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY OR DO WITH HIM?? HE’S A FULL GROWN MAN ALREADY! OLDER THAN ME!!! i humored him just to shut him the fuck up and said yes, i’ll do it. More unwanted baby advice and an argument with my grandmother that ended in my father saying not to bother arguing with her because she will never change so i just vented on him instead. My drunk as a skunk uncle gets in his van and takes off. nobody knows where the fuck he went and then everyone was in bed by 11. I slept in my grandmother’s room which I wish could be a pleasant thing if it weren’t for her barking instructions at me every time jada cried. I didn’t give out my gifts till the next morning, at which time I could tell my father felt bad about not having gotten anything for my daughter. He looked pretty bumbed out as I drove off, I was bummed out over it still… and then I came home at 10ish the next morning in a less than cheerful mood but looking forward to spending the morning with dennis and openning gifts, exept he decides to be dick and yells at me because I let the fucking dog out after he had already escaped that morning. HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THE FUCKING DOG ESCAPED IF DENNIS DIDN’T TELL ME!! WHY NOT JUST PATCH THE FUCKING HOLE HE GOT OUT THRU!!! there were tons of gifts under our tree but we were in no mood to open any of it, so he watched tv and i did the dishes instead. I felt like shit, felt bad that christmas had been ruined for Jada… even tho i know she doesn’t have a clue. After washing all of dennis’ dirty dishes, and getting more pissed off because he could have done them the night before… but didn’t.. again… I took off to the bedrooms to wallow in my self pitty for a while.

eventually we did open the presents and jada got a shit load of presents from dennis and me :) , and a couple people at work too. dennis and i got some cool stuff for eachother, and after that we went to his aunts where things were a bit more cheerful but it’s different with them.. they’re not my real family so it will never be the same with them. A fantastic day with them would never undo the shittiness of the previous night. I think next year we’ll be planning on xmas out of town or we’ll put on our own shindig.