oik, I never talk about somebody as if they’re not there when they’re actually standing right next to you, know what i mean? But in LJ, when the person you’re talking about is in your friend’s list, what can you do? I know i can make a new list or something….. but i’m too lazy besides she needs to hear it.
I don’t get my sister.. she’s smart, beautiful, fun girl to be around, spontaneous too… great body… those who don’t know her, I’ll have to post a pic. :) I don’t think I have any in my gallery.. DAMN, that’s just wrong! I wish i had more time around her and I wish I knew her at a deeper level than i do… then maybe I could understand why she always needs to have some guy in her life. some love interest… For as long as I can remember, maybe as far back as when she was 12, I’ve never known her to be without a boyfriend, fuck buddy, special “friend”, chasing after someone, or someone chasing after her. She always has someone lined up. Many times she won’t dump one boyfriend unless she’s got someone else waiting. Maybe it’s just what drives her in life, her fuel if you will, maybe it’s because of the thrill of a new relationship, or an unhealthy need for constant companionship. I dunno.. but all i do know is I just don’t understand it. I’ve accepted it, and I’m used to it, but I just don’t understand it. She says now after dumping her latest love interest that she wants time alone. heck, it’s one of the reasons she gave for dumping the guy in the first place. When did I have this conversation with her? was it two days ago now? …and what does she go do? she places a personal add on match.com, wants to pay the fee just so she can talk to this one guy, emails an old male friend 4 times even tho he hasn’t replied the first time, second time, third time… how pathetic does that look? (ONCE, XENIA, YOU DO IT ONCE!!), she schedules a date with her mother’s travel agent dude who she already said once before she didn’t like that way AT ALL and “felt weird when he get her yellow roses”.. who knows what else she’ll end up doing. She wants to have time alone to find herself? to get over Gian? she breaks up with lee to accomplish that and what does she do?
I JUST don’t get it, sister of mine, I just don’t get it.
It’s sad, I wish I could give her the gift of self. being comfortable with herself. The ability of being alone without feelings of lonliness. I’m so comfortable without anyone else it’s the reason i never properly developed social skills.. More times than not i’m more comfortable alone then in the presence of anyone. If i could give her some of that, we’d both be more balanced..
Ok, i feel the need to explain myself here. I know why you feel the way you do, but it’s only partly true. I DO want to be single, I DO like being alone, and i DON’T want to or plan on having anyone lined up. I am thoroughly enjoying being single. At the same time, match.com and all those etc., are kind of fun to do. I’m not really looking for anything and i decided to not to pay the fee to email anyone. I figure if someone wants to email me, they can do it. All I’m doing by playing around online is passing the time away. The past two days I’ve done nothing but sit around all day at home, alone, with my thoughts…and for the most part, I haven’t felt lonely.
I know my actions might show otherwise, but I honestly don’t want a boyfriend. Oh, and I’m not going out with the travel agent guy..it’s just to make new friends and he knows that. I understand your concern, but what’s wrong with making new friends? That’s all marc and i ever were (the guy i emailed 4 times) and i just wanted to get back in touch with him so we could be friends AGAIN. I’ve clearly stated that on my personal ad, so I don’t know what it is that you’re shaking you’re head about. I can see how might think i’m after a boyfriend or am afraid to be alone, but that’s not the case at all.
Again, all i want to do is possibly make some friends and have a social life other than gian and stephenie, cause basically that’s all it is. Now while i’m in school that’s ok, but when i graduate, i’m going to have a lot of time on my hands and I’ll want to do something other than sit around at my mom’s apt.
I broke it off completely (romantically) with lee last nite. Of course we are still going to be friends..but that’s it. Don’t you think if i just wanted to “have” someone there..i would just keep him hanging? No, i’m not going to do that because it’s not right and it’s not fair to him. LIke I said, I’d rather be alone…so hopefully you have a better idea of where i’m coming from. This whole internet thing is just for fun! Love ya!
Reply to grocerynippleswe’ll see … when you start dating one of those guys within the next 4 weeks, I’ll tell you I told you so. :)
Reply to Tania (digsite)heh, exactly what IS dating?? because marc and i went out quite a bit..and i don’t think it was ever dating…we never kissed, he never payed for me..so to me..it was just friends. Am i completely wrong here?
Reply to grocerynipplesum… that does not qualify as dating..
Reply to Tania (digsite)you know what i mean.. :)