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(written at 7am)

I just woke up at 7am which never happens after having one of the weirdest (and for me - rarest) dreams ever. Actually I’ve never had one like this. Before having a baby I always dreamt with healthy little girls but sickly and premature boys which I always managed to lose or accidentally kill. :-O

Well, last night (this morning) it was anything but.

I was in my old house in miami with my grandmother in the living room sitting on rocking chairs on a bright, clear day talking about trying to get pregnant. I told her that we had twins implanted in me but that they had died. When I went to the doctor to check me out, he found that they had withered away into these things that looked like fossilized pieces of leftover vegetables like a strand of dried and rotted spinach or something. And we were both looking. I wasn’t spread out on a table or anything. we were pearing into this thing that looked like a replica of a canyon. When he went to take those out, he found that I had an embryo growing in another part of my body. I think it was a falopian tube. The doc said it was a long shot but he took the embry out very carefully and then put it in my uterus to see if it would grow.

I was home and telling my grandmother about it. She said “just because it’s a long shot, just you wait. That baby is going to grow and be born healthy”. I said.. “maybe” then I reached down and felt my belly area. I felt that it was tight and i felt bloated but it wasn’t big. And oddly my body felt like I did when was 3 months pg with J. If I was pg, I could have been 2, 3 months. Next thing you know we’re in my living room back at my house. I get up and go to my room for something and next thing you know I have an infant in my hands. But the kid was more like 6 months old. i came out and showed the baby to my grandmother. She acknowleges the baby and says “see, i knew it”. I looked at the kid and knew it was a boy. I said. ‘ But look at him, he doesn’t look anything like jada. his eyes are a little slanted, his eyebrows are so defined and his mouth is bigger than J’s. His features were just so unlike J’s and we expected that our next kid would look like J! She says “yeah, but that doesn’t matter, he’s still yours” I thought he couldn’t be mine.. and how will I love him? he doesn’t look like anything I expected!?

But the more I held him, the more I accepted that he’s cute too and that he’s my son. I decided his name was Ethan. In fact, I don’t remember naming him. That was just his name. I kept looking at him and now he looks more like a 1 year old. I sat him down on the couch on his own. He was fully dressed in baby pants and shoes. My gmother who was now in the kitchen looking at me thru the passthrough said. ‘don’t put him on the couch. he’s too young to sit up on his own”
I go “but he already is sitting up on his own! How many infants have you ever seen that are this big and can sit on their own!!”

Next thing you know the kid is walking around on the ground around the coffee table in the living room and is as tall as Jada was at around 12-15 months old.. a couple seconds later, Dennis drives up. The front door is open so I can see him walk up. As he was walking up to the front door and looking at me with a smile on his face, I said to him “guess who was born today!!!”

They would have met eachother if my dream would have lasted long enough but it didn’t. Something woke me up and i think it was jada making noises in her room. But I couldn’t help wonder what Dennis’ or the new son’s reaction would have been to eachother once they laid eyes on eachother.

Secret desire to have a boy, perhaps?