communication is such an important thing! :) I swear some people should brush up on it.. So we had decided on plan A, then someone came up with plan B (a better plan) then the next person took it to a next level and turned plan B into plan C. Plan C is no good and now we’re back to plan B. All this in 4 days and I’m still hopeful it can be done successfully and completely by cob today. :) we’ll see.
So.. everybody knows we have plans on having another baby. And I have already vowed that I wouldn’t have the kind of diet I had with I was pg with J. I gained far too much weight then which has never come off with all the McD’s and sweets. So it will be salads and lean meats, fruits and all that wholesome stuff second time around.
But then I went and decided that since I won’t be having anymore fast foods for a long long time, that I should “stock up” while I can. So now I’ve just gone fast food bonkers and have been having it every day for lunch along with non-diet sodas. Starbucks and cakes for breakfast on saturdays. .oO (Hell, i’m not pg so I can do this till I do get pg.. no problem.) riiiiiight.
Well, dammit, now I wish I hadn’t done that cuz I’ve gained a couple inches around my waist and my pants don’t fit me and i’m talking about the only few pairs of pants that i’ve been wearing for the past 2 years. I refuse to buy larger. So, I gotta stop that now. No more fast food for me. 
dammit, now i’ve got MORE weight to worry about, dammit. My goal will be only to prevent gaining much more with the next pg. I can’t put myself on a diet so that’s the best I can do.
alright, a third thing. :) I have been intrigued (more like bothered) by the subject of adoption for a long long time. The usual questions remain unanswered for me. How can someone put their baby up for adoption? How can they cope the rest of their lives knowing their baby is out there somewhere? With open adoptions, how can you stand to watch your baby be raised by someone else? And since there’s no law that can force adoptive parents in an “open” adoption to abide by their promises to the birthmothers, how can they cope if/when they ever decide they no longer want it to be open? I’ve done a lot of reading on adoption sites and have read lots of stories. I tend to concentrate on the negatives because those are the ones I can’t stomach. Not to mention those are the ones there are more of out there!
For instance, there is a woman (cynthia jordan. aka jordanmode) who already had to teen sons when she got pg with a little girl (malia). One of her sons sounded like he was special needs and she decided for (some reason I will never agree with) that she needed to put that baby up for adoption so she could spend more time with her sons.. She and her son (who she decided to let have a part in choosing adoptive parents) chose a couple that already had an adoptive son and they made all kinds of promises to her about contact, visits, photos, you name it. She knew she had made a mistake when her son seemed to be emotionally affected by the loss of his sister rather than thriving from having same amount of time with his mother. Two years pass and the adoptive parents change their mind. They close off contact with the birthmother and she’s is so filled with guilt and depression that she took her own life a year after that. She was a regular poster at a couple adoption sites. This happened almost a year ago. The adoptive parents had published a book called “fast track to adoption” which you can find on amazon where they speak about how to dupe an unsuspecting birthmother. Well, it doesn’t say ‘dupe’ but they SO didn’t abide by their own advice in that book. people think this book was the straw that broke the camels back for this woman. This is soo sad that it totally makes me think adoptive parents don’t care about anybody but themeselves.
I regularly read posts from women that go something like this ” great news! i know this girl/woman who is pregnant and doesn’t know what to do .. she doesn’t think she can raise her baby and is thinking about putting it up for adoption. And we might get to adopt her baby!!! isn’t that great!!?” Well, NO, it’s not great. What a selfish thing to think. How about helping that woman? How about finding out WHY she thinks she can’t raise it and see if she can get some help first?!
It just kills me. I don’t get to read many GOOD stories about adoption. But then I found a good story! IT’s a nice change of pace even tho it doesn’t totally change my opinion on ths subject. I accidentally stumbled on one adoptee’s journal online. She started it when she started her journey to find her birthmother. I haven’t read the entire thing, skipped to the end because I was anxious to see what happened. It is a beautiful story. No resentments at all but still it just goes to show that even wonderful stories where the babies grow up with wonderful parents and have great lives, there is pain and anguish. She always wanted to know about her birthmother. It was a thought that stayed with her her entire life because she wanted to know things that I think everybody should know. Who did she look like? Who was she like? what was her name? sure she had a name, but she (her words) wanted to know what HER name was .. her name that she had before she was adopted. Eventually she found her bmom but bmom decided she wanted no contact. This decision was totally based on feelings of fear than it did a real sense of not wanting anything to do with her. The bmom somehow still found the woman’s journal online and started to read it. After a few months, she decided to start her own journal on that site so her birthdaughter could read it but they still had no direct contact with eachother. (but they knew of eachother’s journals) She slowly openned up more and they have since met eachother in person (this just happened this week). It kinda got me thinking that her journal should be put into a book. I wish her adoptive mother would journal too cuz she sounds like a great supportive woman.
Well, to the point.. this woman (the adoptee) journals so opennly and honestly that you really get a feeling for who she is. It really grabs you and makes you feel like you’re inside her story. It makes for a great read and she’s actually got some writing skills, imo. I think it’s so awesome that they logged all their experiences during their long, slow reunion. This inspired me so much that I think I’m going to put all my journal entries into a book (personal book) I don’t intend on publishing, of course. my life is too boring for that! It’s just to pass down to my kids/grandkids etc… But I hold back too much on LJ so I think I’m either going to have to journal more privately separatelly or get over fear of openning up too much to people.
Whatever happened to me anyway? I used to wear my feelings on my sleeve when I was growing up. Now I only open up to D, when he’s not too distracted to listen that is.. Not even my sister gets to see all of me. In fact, I think only my little brother & sister get to see me in my natural state more than anybody else in my family. But still, I hold back even with them. Anyways, not sure if I should print all the stuff out and type up my hand written journal entries too, or what. I just hope I don’t put it all off till I get hit by a bus and it’s too late.
strange, Leon and I were discussing adoption this week.
People have to wait a substantial amount of time for babies AND getting a healthy newborn, not that a new born is a miracle in itself, is a fucking miracle. So when a woman you know pre-birth is willing to give up their child.. it is something to be VERY excited about.
I think its a bad idea to convince any mother who has decided keeping her baby is not a good option. I dont know if I would want to help her keep the child. She may end up regretting it later. Im not sure if its selfish to be excited about that. The process you go through for adoption is strenuous. Alot of women do it because they cant have children, so with the prospect of a newborn being up for adoption is almost like the feeling of giving birth yourself.
Leon and I are going to adopt. The health concerns for myself and for my baby are too great. I dont want to pass diabetes on to the child and I have to take straight insulin all during pregnancy. There are so many children that need a home. I would, of course, want a new born but the odds are so rare.. its just not something to wish for.
Reply to cadetstimpyjust curious.. are you looking for an open adoption? or closed? Do you want to adopt from the u.s.? or international?
When you’re talking about a woman who has decided and made up her mind and is solid on her decision, that’s one thing. But what about a woman who “doesn’t know what to do” and feels lost without support, or might even be getting coerced into it by their family or boyfriend? Men usually don’t feel any kind of attachment to a baby until it’s born and they see it with their own eyes. So it’s very easy for a boyfriend to decide it and then make threats to convince the girl to give it up.
Or suppose the pregnant woman (whatever age) just isn’t in a good place in their life and thinks that adoption is their ONLY option and doesn’t realize she might have other options? Is it really a matter of being selfless at that point? They may not be losing that baby to adoption for the right reasons. I’ve spent so much time reading posts from birthmothers who go through SO much turmoil that I gotta question if they were in the right frame of mind when they gave their baby up. Why so many feelings of regret and pain? Had they had someone to help and make them feel more secure and empowered, then maybe they wouldn’t have given their baby up and they would be happy today.
For some reason, I don’t have much problem with people who adopt a kid in foster care, or a child from an orphanage overseas. Because You KNOW their lives would be a wreck unless someone stepped up. But so many of those birthmoms’ posts, journals i’ve read sound soo terrible. it breaks my heart. I’m not saying they’re ALL like that. but there are a lot!
Reply to Tania (digsite)We just started researching adoption options this week. I really have no preference as far as nationality all thought there are a lot of crazy rules for other countries so more than likely a us adoption. I believe a closed adoption, meaning.. we adopt and goodbye right?
Im sure not every birthmother does the right choice for her.. no one makes the absolute best choice.. but sometimes there are situations where.. adoption is the only option you can see to give a child a chance. Cohersing someone to give up there baby is the wrong idea thats for sure. But some people just get so obsessed because its so hard to adopt a newborn. I can see where they try to start convincing mothers to give up their children. Not that its right or anything.
Reply to cadetstimpyyep, closed means you sign papers and never contact the bmoms and the bmoms can’t contact you either. In fact, I don’t think aparents ever meet the bmoms and don’t even know eachother’s names or what state they live in. the docs are sealed until the kid is 18 and wants to search.
have you watched adoption stories? they pick out which stories to tell very well, imo. the bmoms always seem so rock solid on their decisions and they give good reasons why they’re doing what they’re doing. (these are open adoptions) but one time i saw one i didn’t like at all. the bmom sounded (to me) to be in pain over her decision. she wasn’t too young (26/27 i think) and she wasn’t a druggie and wasn’t homeless. she lived with the baby’s dad and I just got this feeling from it that HE wanted it more than she did. I also got the impression that she was upset in the end. very upset. They didn’t even interview her in the end. of course, you don’t get to know someone’s life story from a 30 minute show but it was just the impression I got.
The wait for a newborn can be long but it isn’t always. In open adoption, the bmoms go over tons of profiles and they choose who will be their babies parents. If you get chosen right away, then you dont’ wait.
I’ve read that the fastest way is to become a foster parent. you can get a newborn or an older child. and depending on the bio-parent’s situation, they may decide to give up their rights and then you can adopt of you want. … or not.
Reply to Tania (digsite)It takes a strong person to do fostering, imo, cuz you just never know how attached you might become and you never know if that baby will be returned to the bio-parents. but it is the quickest from what i’ve read.
It’s probably better if you start now with eating the kinds of foods you plan on eating when you’re pregnant….that way you’ll be used to them, and probably less inclined to want the junk food later on. I find the less junk food I eat, the less I want it…sometimes. haha. My mom’s started at weight watchers recently, and I’ve been reading a lot of their info…they suggest eating no processed food whatsoever, and to make sure that every day you have certain amounts of fruit, vegetables, water, milk, and natural oils.
About the adoption issue…idunno. I can certainly understand it if say the mother felt she wasn’t ready or didn’t want to have the baby and raise the child. Because it’s probably better for someone who actually wants a child to raise it than someone who isn’t committed to it. But that is pretty creepy about a person getting all excited about a young pregnant woman who doesn’t know what to do…But I’m sure there are a lot of situations that turned out well…it’s probably mostly the sad/troubling ones that get put online and noticed, because they demand more attention than a happy ending.
In regards to journaling…there is always the option of making an entry “private” so that only you can read it. Also, someone I know has a specific LJ “friends group” for each lj user on her friends list, so that she can filter each post so that only people she wants to read it (or doesn’t mind reading it) can see it.
Reply to muckingaboutyou’re right about the commited part. i rather be raised by someone who really wanted me than by my blood mother who would have been happier if she wasn’t.
soo hard no to eat junk. I totally “forgot?” and had popeyes for lunch.
Reply to Tania (digsite)Theres even a popeyes in the remote vicinity here? I thought popeyes were in the ghetto, lol.
Reply to j3ffdeerfield, i beleve. I just put an order in with ncc dudes. and ian went to pick it up.
Reply to Tania (digsite)Ohh, I know where that one is. Dang, thats far to travel for lunch, lol. And yea, as I suspected not the best area in deerfield, though not horrid.
Reply to j3ffi’ve been trying to stop eating cookies (because we always seem to have them in our house…my dad won’t stop buying them!)…so instead I’ll have strawberries with a bit of sugar on them…The sugar part probably isn’t wise, but I figure it’s better than cookies. *shrug*
Reply to muckingaboutyeah i guess it’s better than cookies.. u’r just a sugar addict!
Reply to Tania (digsite)