digsite

Dennis and I want to have at least 2 children. (I secretly want 3 but my age and our work situation are sorta making me realize that 2 is the number of choice) So since 2 is our agreed upon number, we decided it was time to start thinking and planning for baby #2. I think a 3 year age gap is as much as I want them to be. Anymore than that and it’d be too much.

Our daughter Jada was 18 month old when we planned it. We had decided to wait 6 months from that point so that our next baby would be born in the spring. My main reasoning was that a birthday party in July has been rough and we’ve only had to plan one of those so far. We don’t want our next baby to have a mid summer birthday as well and we don’t want a christmas baby either. So march, april, may seems perfect for us.

So 6 months have passed and here we are actively ttc #2. This is our first month at trying to make a baby. I have no idea if I’m going to be pregnant this month and no idea how many months it might take to get pregnant. All I know is that this is a very different experience from getting pregnant ‘by accident’. I thought it would be fun to ttc on purpose, and it was the first 2 days of bd’ing.. but on the 3rd day it started feeling like a chore.
With J, there was no stresses beforehand, but there were stresses afterwards because we weren’t even married yet. Still, things worked out OK for us. *I* felt ready for it, but I don’t think Dennis did. After a couple of months, tho, he was fine with it and started to get excited. For me, the stress lied with thinking that we had to rush to get married. What a mistake! I wish we had just had our baby and then gotten married afterwards calmly. Looking back on it, my reasons for wanting to rush and get married weren’t very good ones at all. I don’t regret being married to Dennis, but I do regret HOW we got married and why.

But I’m trying to took on the bright side and try to ‘fix’ it. We decided we’d celebrate our marriage later and get re-married maybe on our 10th year anniversary or our 5th year anniversary because 10 years seems like so long to wait.. It might just take 10 years before I can relax enough to have fun and know how to plan a nice simple and enjoyable wedding for us and our families. I’d love to have our kids be flower girl and ring bearer.

Anyways, it’ll be 10 days before we find out if Dennis knocked me up for the second time. ;) heeheee! I wish I knew at this moment if we’ve fertilized an egg! That baby would be free floating right now and not attached itself to my uterus yet. So it’s too soon to feel any symptoms at all.