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Another one of my strange dreams: This one’s REALLY weird and maybe even a little sick. So read on at your own risk!!

Alright, I think with the exception of my dream with tom cruise involving sex and enemas, last night’s dream tops them all. BTW, i refuse to write down the one about tom cruise and enemas… too embarrassing.

I’m at home, in my bedroom, laying in bed at an angle with my clothes on. I’ve got a shirt on and some shorts or something and I put my hand on my abdomen and i’m just laying there looking up at the ceiling and feeling pretty relaxed and yummy. I then start to feel some pulling in my ligaments around my uterus like i did when i was pregnant, i reach further down on my abdomen and feel this bulge. We had been trying to get pregnant but now there was no question that I was pregnant. I wouldn’t need to take a home pregnancy test then.

So I just lay there and then dennis came into the room. I showed him the bulge and he felt it. I said something like ” i didn’t know it would get this big so fast.. before we even knew i was pregnant” So we’re all happy and excited about this. I don’t remember us going to sleep in my dream but we must have.

Next thing I know, I wake up and there is a second bulge to the side of my preggo belly. on the left side. I thought this was strange so I look down and there is a chicken wing, fully feathered, sticking out of the side of my stomach. I freaked the hell out and said to Dennis. ” You have to take me to the hospital NOW! Look how fast this chicken wing grew!! I look at it some more and pulled it to extend the wing out. It was a lot bigger than a chicken wing so I decided it must be a turkey wing. “Look how fast this grew overnight!!!! I have to go to the hospital NOW!!”

Dennis said to me, “let’s wait a while. Let me see if I can get the obgyn on the net”… or something like that. He was trying to get an appt. with my old obgyn to save money on the ER copayment. So he goes thru about an hour of searching or whatever the hell he was doing. While he was doing that, i was examining this wing a bit closer and feeling my preggo belly. I thought, this isn’t right, why would a pregnancy grow so fast and then grow a wing out to the side.. then here comes the strange part.

I looked at the wing and saw something that looked like a clitoris on the joint of it. I freaked the fuck out. Is this MY clitoris?!!! I went searching for mine but saw that it was gone. OMG!! THAT’S MINE! HOW ARE THEY GONNA PUT IT BACK WHERE IT GOES!

I couldn’t wait any longer for Dennis to get his shit together so somehow I conjured up a new chouffer and all sudden, my cousin Teresa is driving me to the hospital. We make it there and now Dennis is with me again. the doc performed surgery and removed the wing. I asked him what happened to my sex organ.. is it back where it goes?! NO. He removed it from the wing and put it in some container so that it could be reattached at a later time by my obgyn. how strange.

Once i was off the table, I realized that I forgot to tell the doc that I was preggo. I then thought “what if there is more chicken matter inside me that we can’t see?!! what if this pregnancy really isn’t a baby? what if it’s a whole chicken??!!!!!”

I told the doc this and said I neeeed to have an full body MRI. I kept seeing images of chicken legs and bones and feathers inside my uterus. soooo gross and i wanted that MRI DAMMIT!!!

I never got to have the mri on the dream. I just woke up after that. Btw, Ii’m not pregnant (that i know of anyway).