digsite

I wish I had more close friends I could go to with my thoughts and feelings because I certainly can’t tell dh everything. He will many times either blow it off or not understand and that’s IF he’s even listening so I don’t even bother anymore. It’s best to internalize than to have it dismissed like a fart.

I wish I could leave my house for a few days or just the weekend and stay at a hotel or friends house so I could escape my life and the opressiveness of it all. I swear I can’t even feel free at home most times. It’s opressing, depressing, everything not good. I just want to escape.

Yesterday I was feeling depressed and unloved, today i’m feeling misunderstood, sexually let down, and just PISSED OFF. Where can or where will I ever find REAL LIVE HAPPINESS? good lasting happiness? I’m tired of pretending so much. Pretending things are OK, pretending i’m happy, pretending I even like myself. Is this all life has to offer me? I hate my house, I hate my schedule, I hate the fact that I never feel understood or cared about the way I want. And i’m tired of settling. I wonder if there’s more for me out there. What the fuck do I have to do to find it anyway?

Oppressed is a good word. I use it internally a lot and I think it accurately describes my general state of mind. WTF? is this the way the rest of my life is destined to go?

I’m so tired of everything around me. my house, my family, my car, my hair, my fucken back, everything. Maybe I need to leave my house for a while…. so I could have a vacation away from myself, my life, the drab people around me, EVERYTHING… thing is, tho, i could never leave my daughter.