I wish I had more close friends I could go to with my thoughts and feelings because I certainly can’t tell dh everything. He will many times either blow it off or not understand and that’s IF he’s even listening so I don’t even bother anymore. It’s best to internalize than to have it dismissed like a fart.
I wish I could leave my house for a few days or just the weekend and stay at a hotel or friends house so I could escape my life and the opressiveness of it all. I swear I can’t even feel free at home most times. It’s opressing, depressing, everything not good. I just want to escape.
Yesterday I was feeling depressed and unloved, today i’m feeling misunderstood, sexually let down, and just PISSED OFF. Where can or where will I ever find REAL LIVE HAPPINESS? good lasting happiness? I’m tired of pretending so much. Pretending things are OK, pretending i’m happy, pretending I even like myself. Is this all life has to offer me? I hate my house, I hate my schedule, I hate the fact that I never feel understood or cared about the way I want. And i’m tired of settling. I wonder if there’s more for me out there. What the fuck do I have to do to find it anyway?
Oppressed is a good word. I use it internally a lot and I think it accurately describes my general state of mind. WTF? is this the way the rest of my life is destined to go?
I’m so tired of everything around me. my house, my family, my car, my hair, my fucken back, everything. Maybe I need to leave my house for a while…. so I could have a vacation away from myself, my life, the drab people around me, EVERYTHING… thing is, tho, i could never leave my daughter.
Hello, Tania. You don’t know me but I found your journal because i used to
Reply to marinabe on the CK site and I saw your blog in your profile. I started to read your entries
and really love how you write and what you write about and even though I don’t have
kids, there is a lot that I can relate to so maybe that is why I like reading it.
But then I thought that maybe I should let you know I am reading it. It’s not like
live journal so I can’t really “subscribe” to it, but I do check in sometimes
during work :). Your last entry really got to me because I am having some similar
thoughts. I am not trying to say I am just like you and we should be sisters for ever
but it is kind of comforting to know that other people go through similar emotions and frustrations as I am going through now.
A lot of people around me are not married yet and don’t really get that part of my life,
plus I am in a new country so I have nobody to talk to really except for my husband who is not always the most
understanding of people as I have come to find. Maybe it’s just that men don’t get certain things
about women no matter what. ANyway, I don’t want this to be any longer than it already is! I just wanted to
let you know I love reading your journal… have a good day, marina