Digsite

So I showed up at the obgyn office today out of the blue to talk to my ob (cuz i just knew calling would take forever) and let me tell you i was shocked at one of the nurse’s reaction .. you’d think i wasn’t a patient and just dropped in from the street or something “oh no! we don’t take walkins!! ” blah blah!

I was like… i KNOW you don’t take walkins lady i’m not here for an appointment, i just want to either talk to the dr. or reschedule my c/s etc..

long story short, they let me talk to the c/s scheduling lady and leave my info and I left. my ob called a while ago and i was able to talk to him about rescheduling the appointment. He said that this late he really doesn’t think I have good chances for a vbac.. whatever.. so i played the ’420′ card and said my dh doesn’t like that date and can we reschedule anyways. (i said it in a nice way tho ) He said sure and I got a call again later from the scheduling lady with the new date. Monday 4/24 5:30pm. I’m sooo happy for that! So that gives me 5 extra days to go into labor on my own and try my vbac anyways, and if I don’t then she’ll be born by monday night no matter what.

Now I feel pretty good about this. Even if I end up with the c/s I don’t think I will regret it because I did all I could to make the vbac happen short of completely dropping my obgyn. LOL!. by monday i will be more than a week overdue. I’m SO excited that I’ll have my baby by monday. woohoo!!

now the only problem is fil and he probably not being able to watch J that day thanks to his insanity in taking this whole week off. ugh! if worse comes to worse, we’ll drive her over to my grandmother’s monday morning which is an hour away.

So ever since I got scheduled for a c/s for thursday I’ve been doing everything to try to start labor. This morning I took 2 oz of cator oil . Well sparing you all the gory explosive bowel details I’ll just say it didn’t work. I feel very “empty” but no labor. I am having a lot of contractions! 4 hours worth of contractsion anywhere from 3 to 15 minutes apart… but nothing I would call labor. sigh…

I decided tonight that I will try to reschedule this c/s for next week preferably tuesday. I’m gonna talk to my ob and make sure there aren’t any other options for me. Then see and hope something happens this weekend. So i can just give myself a few more days.. I’ll feel better about having the c/s then. There’s still a chance there will be no openning for next week. but I’ll try.

ugh. I dunno how I feel about this. I feel so conflicted.

So he says I’m the same as last week but the head “isn’t very low”. He went ahead and stripped my membranes again so i’m in a bit of pain. He said something to the effect that he can’t let me go too much farther past 41 wks and also that the longer I go, the bigger the baby will get and the lower my chances will be of a successful VBAC. He was going to say that if i made it to my next appt, he’d want to schedule a c/s but I jumped the gun and asked if i could schedule it now for then he said definitely and suggested thursday the 20th. So after I was done in there I went to the lady who does the scheduling and she was able to book me in for the 20th at 5:30pm which she mentioned was ‘miraculous’ considering the short notice.

At first i felt excited about the c/s being scheduled but as soon as I left I started to feel REALLY bumbed out about it. Even got the biggest headache thinking about it. There are a couple things that make the thursday c/s a good thing, but then there’s my personal feelings about it. I would rather try and fail at a vbac than not try at all.

c/s pros
1. fil has already scheduled this entire week off work and returns to work on monday. It’d be convenient if she were born while he was still off. Even tho the fact that he scheduled this time off is rediculous. We told him a hundred times nobody knows when she’s going to be born!
2. 2 weeks of my maternity leave is going to be “wasted” so far. I’m not too happy about that. I don’t want to make it 3 weeks wasted.
3. I’ll be done waiting and baby will be here in 3 days!

c/s cons
1. I’ll be unhappy about not trying a vbac and if i have complications from it, depression, and so on I’m going to regret it.

I talked about trying castor oil again today but dh is against it. So I probably won’t try it at all. … well… i’m i’m still preggy wed morning. Maybe i still will. ugh.. i dunno.

I could technically change my mind, call up my doc and see if they can reschedule the c/s or just cancel it till my next appt. One thing I forgot to ask about is if he would break my water to see if that started labor. Something tells me the answer to that would be no. But I would have like to ask anyway. Maybe i’ll call in the morning to ask it.

I wish someone could tell me what to do cuz i just don’t know. dh is zero help he just keeps saying “do whatever you feel comfortable with”. Sad I wish i had a crystal ball right about now.

I never thought I’d be saying i’m past due but I am. well, in an hour i will be that’s close enough. I’ve been thinking about and planning to take castor oil to get things going but I chickened out of it tonight. I don’t think I want to be quite that miserable when I have this baby.

Tomorrow we’ll be taking J to an easter egg hunt then I have a 10:30 appointment on monday with my obgyn. I hope he does/says something encouraging to me. I didn’t think I could be at 4cm for this long and still be preggo. what’s up with this kid anyways? doesn’t she want to come out and meet us?

So I got my wish. my doc wrote me a quick note saying I’ve been “instructed to stop working” … or something like that. LOL!

I can’t believe I’m 4cm dilated. He said I will most likely deliver before next week but wants me to have a u/s to see baby size so I have one scheduled for tomorrow morning. I still think whatever estimate the baby gets for weight is useless because their estimates can be off by 20%. but whatever, at least I get to see this baby again before she’s born!

I have also reached 200 lbs. yowzers! I feel heavy; my ass makes a big dent on our couch but damn! having reached 200 is like some kind of victory because I don’t think I’ve ever been this heavy before. I don’t know why I see it as a victory, though. Maybe I’ve lost my mind!

Anyways… I have a few key things I want to complete before the baby is born and I hope I can get it all done. we’ll see. I feel like i’m in a holding pattern.

So at my appt on monday (yesterday) and I already wrote about it somewhere else so I’ll just copy&paste:

First, my ob “checked” me… it hurt of course cuz my cervix is posterior and very far back. He had to push in a bit to feel it.. I was clearly in pain while he was doing it. Then when he was done he said “You’re thick and closed”.

HUH!!!? i said “2 weeks ago I was almost 2cm, how can that be?” he then said, ‘well maybe you’re a 1.5 cm but still pretty closed. ”

I got to talking about how at this point with dd i was 3 cm and 50+% effaced. He said all pregnancies are different… yeah, i know i know.. but I was still hoping for the same.. So I asked if he would strip my membranes next week. He said sure, but if your cervix is still very far back, I won’t be able to reach well enough. I said “man, it must have moved from my last pregnancy.. it wasn’t that far back back then” He then said “well, i’d have to push in a lot but I don’t want to hurt you”. I said “pffft.. i don’t care ifyou hurt me, I just want SOMETHING to happen, I’ve been having contractions all day every day” Then he said ” you want me to try?” i was like “you mean now?!” He nodded and I said “HELL YES!!” you couldn’t have gotten me to lie back fast enough.

So he started… MY GOD! It was bad enough when he had to push his hand to reach it.. but when he started the stripping… OOOUUUCH!!! Lemme tell you that was more pain than I had bargained for.

When he finally got a good feel on the cervix he said “oh! I think i was wrong! yup, i was wrong before. you’re actually a 3!!”

YYYYYAAAAAAYY!!!!! sooooo happy.!!!

ok, so J was born at 38 wks +3 days. That’s where I’m at before. When my old ob stripped me then, it was at just before 38 weeks. it took 4 days for something to happen. Dr. thinks nothing will really happen till after 39 weeks. Sad but I think he’s only being conservative. we’ll see.

But now that the end is really near.. i find i’m so afraid. so many mixed feelings about this. I’m way more afraid now than I was before. I think the biggest reason for that is not knowing who will deliver me. my ob will be oncall tonight, but not sure who will be on call the rest of the week. I really wished he’d be the one delivering me but it seems like it won’t be. Oh god please don’t let that witch from last week be the one. ANYBODY but her.