I’m in a house whose occupants had left from in a rush.. they were fleeing either because they were being chased by people who wanted them hurt or killed or because they themselves were feeling from the law. I stayed in this house with my father, my stepmother, a woman who was a friend of the family, her mother, and about 5-10 other law enforcement type people.
When we go to this house by a canal with a large yard with a wooden fence, we searched it. The inside was vacant, but there was evidence that a man had stayed the night in a far corner of the yard using a large chunk of earth and grass that jutted up from the ground as shelter. The fence door was open, we knew he wanted the occupants dead. What was he doing there just before we arrived? We looked around the property but everything look in place. the grass was green and undisturbed, there were plants along the back wall of the house, there was no evidence that he’d been there doing anything be we knew he was up to something. …. like burying a body…
We stayed at this house for 4-5 days. The weather outside was very wet and stormy. At one night it was even cold enough to need blankets. The feeling in the house was a subdued one. It was wet and cold outdoors so we did out best to wait it out.
So on the fifth day we go outdoors and start looking around some more.. it’s at this time we come to know that the man we knew had stayed in the yard that one night had made 1 or more members of a familiy ‘disappear’ so we were looking for a grave site. There was none at this house. but where could he have buried a body? The plants along the back wall of the house, they would have died with the weather we had unless they had JUST been planted. .. i made this assessment and told the others.. we needed to pull the plants and they helped me. I saw a jacket… on a corpse. and pushed back from it. It wasn’t until someone removed the plants from the head area that we saw it was a baby.. and it was alive! Alive, after 5 days of bad weather he was alive. It was some miracle but we all knew he could still die.
We rushed him inside the house and we saw he was in bad shape. His eyes were open and he looked strangely clean and alert but we knew he needed medical help so I said ‘we need to give him water’ and I ran upstairs to get a bottle so we could feed him a little water. As soon as I ran up those stairs tho, I was lost like in a maze. I kept getting lost trying to find my room. It must have taken me an hour before giving up and going back downstairs. But the baby and a couple others were gone. When I asked they said they had found a bottle and with the baby drank a little water, he threw it up along with some blood so they took him to the hospital. My heart sank at the news. I wished I had been there to go with them to the hospital.
About 24 hours later I heard great news. The baby was doing much better and had started to feed and get stronger. I was so happy but sad that wasn’t by his side. I had my own baby who needed me and I remembered it at that moment but the thought was fleeting. I didn’t want to think of them because I was so overwhelmed with sadness and yearning to be with that boy.
It was that day that I asked my father which hospital the baby was at. He told me but I forgot immediately. I then heard that family friend who was there on the day we found him and who had stayed by his side the entire time he’s been at the hospital , and who also had been having trouble getting pregnant, was hoping to adopt him if she could. Oh I was upset by this because I felt that I was already in love with this boy. I’m the one who found him and I wanted to be there for him because he needed ME.
That day there was a parade or some sort of ceremony at that house where we were all staying. There were a couple dozen men in uniform and a band playing. I was trying to ask my dad again what hospital this baby was at but I kept getting separated from him. I was hollering the question at him but he couldn’t hear me through all the noise. It was frustrating. I was consumed with feelings of love for this kid and feelings of anger that I wasn’t the one there with him… I felt that I needed to take him in and be the one to raise him. I needed to have this boy in my house and have him grow up with my daughters as his sisters. i was drowning in jealousy for this woman, desperation that he needed me and I wasn’t there, anguish that he might be adopted out from under me…
… this is about when I woke up…
I woke up semi-slowly to the sound of my 5 month old whimpering in her swing chair. I got up and put the paci back into her mouth. She never openned her eyes and just calmly settled back down to sleep. The feelings of jealousy and frustation still fresh in my mind from this dream and I couldn’t shake it for a while. I went to the bathroom and just sat there thinking about it. What does this all mean to me…
I have two daughters. I would have liked to have a 3rd baby but my hubby doesn’t want anymore kids. That’s fine. My first thoughts after this dream were that maybe someday there will be a boy that is going to need us to give him a home. If I had another baby .. be it girl or boy.. i wouldn’t be able to take him in. I was beginning to think of what nationality of boy I’d want to adopt. Would it be a local kid, a chinese orphan, one from russia, one from south america perhaps? What would he look like? Do I want a black kid? no, it’s got to be light skinned like the one in my dream. Might it be a russian kid? no, the one in my dream looked hispanic. Mexican maybe? no, this one didnt’ look mexican… LOL! I realized I still wanted THAT kid. The one in my dream.
Now it’s been 2 hours after I woke up from that dream and I’ve realzied now that my selfishness in that dream astounds me. He already had someone who loved him… and I was neglecting my own kids because I had lost sense of what should have been my no. 1 priority and that was to take care of my own 2 kids. In this dream I didn’t know where they were, if anyone was caring for them, I hadn’t even seen them in the 3 days following the boys rescue. I didn’t want to think about my girls. Everytime thought of them creeped into my mind, I’d push it out. I cared but I tried my hardest not to.
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