digsite

I’ll be meeting my sister in law (’little’ brother’s wife) and their 3 year old daughter for the first time this weekend. I had never met them before because they live in D.R. and I haven’t been to visit in a couple of decades. My brother has been living in NY for the last 2 years and he has been waiting for his wife’s and daughter’s immigration papers to come through so they can join him. Well, that has finally happened and now his wife and daughter will be stopping by my neck of the woods in FL for a week on their way up north to their final destination. My step mother will be accompanying them since they have never flown before.

Despite never having met them, however, I’ve still managed to develop a great deal of jealousy for them for two reasons. I can’t say one reason is any better than the other, but the negative result from both has been just as crippling.

One reason is the fact that my parents are closer to, and in my mind may love, my brother’s daughter more than they do mine. They are geographically closer to eachother and spend far more time together (practically every day from what I understand) so it only makes sense that this would be the case. They’ve never given me reason to believe they love her more, but in my mind “1 + 1″ has only one possible outcome. The second reason is that my brother’s daughter has no problems communicating with others while mine, who is only 3 months younger, has had problems with speech delays forever.

While I prefer to take the position that this is a personal problem that nobody is at fault for, it never helps to have to listen to people compare my daughter to theirs. This has been done in my presence twice directly and countless times in roundabout ways. I can only imagine the talk that goes on when my husband, daughter, and I are not present. I know it’s human nature to want to compare, but it’s a mother’s nature to want to protect and I can’t feel good knowing that my daughter’s speech might get compared to another’s.. especially when my husband and I have to struggle with it every single day.

So the time has finally arrived to have to come face to face with the sources of my foul emotion. Although I’m not nervous about meeting them, per say, I am worried about what negative feelings might overcome me if people treat my daughter unfairly in their presence. They never have before, but will the comparison-speak flow? I really hope my family members can control themselves and exercise a bit of diplomacy because I’d hate for my sister-in-law’s first impression of her husband’s sister be of a hot headed psycho-bitch mom. I don’t think I’d be able to stifle and not defend my kid.