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I have this angst weighing me down tonight that is really getting old.   

Unfortunately I can't say I'm a stranger to this ….witches brew of caustic emotions.   It's a close second to jealousy.  In fact it might just be worse than that.  It's been consuming me like a deadly fungus.  I can't shake the feeling no matter what and history tells me it will just take time.    Writing about it doesn't hurt either.   :)

I had a "situation" at work earlier with one of our new coworkers that is baffling to me.   I won't bore you with the details and I really rather not get into it again, but suffice it to say this person gave me a great deal of mixed signals.   I never thought he had a problem with me (I certainly didn't have one with him) but he acted as though he really disliked me and lashed out with the drippiest of sarcastic remarks.  I found it very difficult to read him.  

The one part where he compared me to a 4 year old might have been a joke, maybe not, but I didn't like it at all no matter what his motive might have been.  It made me extremely angry but I never let on till after he left.  Even then I decided to play it down. The rest of it … well, I would have filed it all off as a complete misunderstanding were it not for the 4 year old reference. These two new people are whistle blowers, cry babies, just the kind of people you dread to have to work with.   

I knew there must have been a good reason I avoid conflicts with some people.   Shaking it off doesn't always come naturally. 

I'm distressed to see how much of a dick this guy is turning out to be.  Like someone pointed out today, he's like a poison in our department.  He likes to stir things up.   Someone else said he's proving to be a compulsive liar as well.  Pitching the other new person against us as well and covering his ass at everyone else's expense.   

I haven't caught him in one of these personally, and I don't necessarily believe that saying "where there is smoke…".   But GODDAM if this guy didn't manage to get me angry enough to get my temperature to rise. Literally.  I felt this hot anger rise up my torso and into my face and head.   My first thought was to get up and tell him off LOUDLY, but I held back.   I had to.   Otherwise, I would have been the only one to come away looking like a fool.