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I’m sure most people don’t know the kind of slobs my husband and I are at home on most days. It really is shameful.

The most recent state of the house was really really bad. I’m not just talking clutter and dirty dishes either. I’m talking weeks of dog hair along the baseboards, weeks of human hair on the bathroom floors, dried up spills on the tile, more layers of dog hair on our area rugs, clean laundry laying everywhere, unidentified sticky stuff on our coffee table to which more floating dog hair has become stuck to. Dirty snot filled tissues, dog vomit stained bathroom rugs. Weeks and weeks worth of unopenned mail piled on our kitchen table (this is why I get in trouble for not paying bills on time).

We knew it all had to be cleaned sometime, but we just really didn’t have the drive to do it so it just got worse and worse. In fact, the last time we cleaned this house was in July for my daughters party. My worst fear had been that someone would drop in on us unannounced.

Well I got the fright of my life last night when my stepmother calls up and said “tenia pensado que quando tu bengas, nos vayamos con tigo para que las ninas tengan mas tiempo juntas. Y tu nos trae el lunes.” (translation: “when you come to visit tomorrow, we’d like to come to your house with you and spend the night so the kids can spend more time with eachother”). I think the silence on my side of the phone might have let on that this was not exactly the best of idea. But how could I say no? I think it’s stupid not to spend time with family over a dirty house! So, I fearfully agreed. My mouth said “esta bien” (translation: “ok”) but my mind was crying out “OH MY GOD I CAN’T LET ANYBODY SEE THIS HOUSE THE WAY IT IS!!!”

As soon as I hung up, I leaped out of my cozy comfy couch and went to work. Between my husband and I, we put about 9 man hours into cleaning this house. As of noon today we were done. I didn’t know it was possible to get this house clean so fast. It SMELLS good here! Oh my god that’s sooo nice.

Now I’m hearing my stepmother may have changed her mind about coming up. Excuse me!? There’s no way she can get away with that. How dare she make me clean my house feverishly like that?! They’re coming up and staying the night whether they like it or not godammit!! I don’t clean for nothing!!