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I’ve just walked outside of a restaurant or club where I’m having a night out with friends. A couple girls and a couple guys. As soon as we’re all outside one of my friends announces that she and one of my guy friends that is with us have become engaged to be married. Everybody congratulates them including me. However, unbeknownst to any of them, this news truly stabs me in the chest. The man she’s engaged to was someone I was good friends with for a long time and I felt something more for him that simple friendship.

The funny part is that he is Greg Grunberg from Felicity and Heroes. But this isn’t completely shocking to me. I’ve had some kind of attraction to him since Felicity even though he’s not the best looking actor out there. I still think that man is squeezable and yummy. ;)

Back to the dream:
He wanted to have a relationship with me a year or so earlier but I was already involved and the timing was not right. I suddenly felt jealousy and heartsick. We are all still outside in this walkway area and walking towards our cars to go home. He and I somehow end up lagging behind everybody else and we start to talk.

“…that man is squeezable and yummy”Me: “I’m happy for the two of you. You know I feel a little bit saddened that you’re engaged because you and I never had a real chance. I like you and if you weren’t engaged, I would have wanted to date you seriously.”

Him: Looking shocked “Really?”

By this time we had stopped walking and I was leaning against some banister, concrete wall, something, and he was directly in front of me. There was a wild look in his eyes like he had been waiting to hear me say this for years.

Him: “You know I’ve always wanted to be with you.”

He then puts his hands in my waist and steps in closer to me and I desperately wanted what was about to happen. We start to kiss with this heated passion that filled me with tingling you know where. We’re making out and oblivious of anything around us. If there had been a bed nearby we would have ended up in it.

After a while, though, reality crept its way between us and we pulled away from eachother and start to walk again towards where the rest of our friends had gone. I knew he was completely happy about this and his engagement was a non-issue. He would break if off easily because he was with me now.

It was at this moment that I was stopped dead in my tracks by the realization that it’s just not that easy for me. Somehow I had managed to forget the fact that I’m married and have two kids. A full length picture of Dennis shot in my head. I thought to myself that I couldn’t possibly betray him.

Then a picture of Greg Grunberg shot in my head right alongside Dennis’. I felt so torn. On the one hand is a man I have a life with who I have a commitment to and don’t want to hurt or walk away from. On the other hand is this other man who I have such lust for I’m creaming just thinking about him.

I was trying to decide what to do about this dilema when I woke up to a whining baby.

This dream disturbed me because I started to question what reasons there might be for my having it in the first place. Why so much lust for another man that I’d completely forget about my own and my family? Disturbing indeed.

Must repeat: “It’s only a dream… It’s only a dream…”

I looked Greg Grunberg up on imdb.com this morning and saw he’s already married with 3 kids. As if I’d ever have chance with this man if he didn’t. LOL! silly me.