digsite

I’m thankful for soap. Because it saves me from daily nasal assault and that final dive into an antisocial lifestyle.

I’m thankful for my bed. Thank you, 6 year old mattress, for putting up with my drool and farts night after night.

I’m thankful for my anus. Because when there’s nothing funny on comedy central it still provides comedy releif. I think my farts are hilarious. Ask my husband.

I’m thankful for my car windows, for taking the edge off that dreaded reggaeton music blasting from the car next to me at a red light.

I’m thankful for the forida turnpike. Because when I get on it at the Republic of Miami, it takes me back the United States just one hour later.. where people do follow the rules of the road.

I’m thankful for my home. Because I can make it whatever the fuck I want - dog hair, vomit and all.

I’m thankful for my father in law, because with each visit he brings a new minced meat pie to remind me how much I hate the stuff.

I’m thankful for my crotch, because it produces and incesent burning itch I find much joy in scratching.

I’m thankful for webrings, because they take me to sites run by crunchy christian women who remind me how much I’m not them.

I’m thankful for my right hand, because when my husband isn’t around during those rare horny moments it steps up to the plate.

I’m thankful for cranberry sauce. Because without it I wouldn’t be able to down that dried out turkey breast.

And lastly, I’m thankful for Thanksgiving Day. Because it’s there to remind me that it’s the little things in life that make a difference.