digsite

I spent the entire day in Miami today visiting with my father, stepmother, grandmother, aunt and uncle, a couple of my cousins who I forget are my cousins and not my uncles and aunts because they’re that much older than me.

It was an OK day I guess. Fabulous if you factor in I completely expected to get into a fight with my grandmother and leave early. The last time I spoke to her (on the phone) she accused me of child abuse and she had me in tears. If she had brought it up again today, I would have left her house but not before telling her off. I’m convinced now that woman mind is really fucked.

She let me know that my brother went to see her and saw the photos of my girls. I was surprised to hear he had gone to see her especially after he had vowed never to see or speak to her again. Long story, I’ll probably never talk about it publicly. Anyway, I said to her how surprised I was considering he was “mad at her”. (This was obviously putting it lightly) and she said “what? no, he wasn’t mad at me”. I’m like HUH?! “of course he was mad at you.” Hell, she and I even spoke about it on several occasions. She repeated that no he wasn’t and that he had just not had a chance to come by. Right. I wonder if denial is a disease passed from generation to generation in my family.

Don’t get me wrong tho. I love her and everything but she still just baffles me beyond words and infuriates me to within inches of her life too!

Anyway, whatever. She didn’t bring it up. Thank God!, and the day was pleasant. Jada played with my dad. He likes to roughhouse with kids, she loves to roughouse so that worked out great. There was a moment when he let me know that she was in the room with him and she pretend read the bible to him. This bothered me. I was going to tell my stepmother that it bothered me not because I wanted her to do anything about it. I just feel I can confide things to her but I decided not to. I don’t want it getting back at my father. It’s not the bible that bothered me. It was her being alone with him in the room that did. I made sure I knew where she was after that.

I always feel strange when I leave to come back home after I go down there for two reasons. It’s like another world down there. Loudness. Having to hold three conversations at once. And the second reason because I feel so detached from my family. I only go down there to visit whenever my dad and step mother are in town which is probably about four times a year. I don’t go more often because it’s a long drive. And now I won’t go more often because I fear I might go homocidal on my grandmother should she say anymore shit to me about how I should or shouldn’t raise my kids.

Mission accomplished, tho. Tomorrow I have to survive a birthday party for a one year old. Hopefully that will be less stressful that today.