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The one thing I had to do today was go to a birthday party for a one year old. I thought I could get away with not having to leave the house to buy anything by regifting one of Jada’s birthday gifts she hasn’t even openned yet (yea, I can be rediculously lazy sometimes) but I realized too late that the toy is for a 3+ year old, not a 1 year old. So the rush started at four when the party was to start at 4:30pm. I sped to Toys r’us and bought some doo hicky or other and then to the party and I made it at 15 passed 5. What shit.

But anyway I got there and Jada had a good time. Too many times, tho, I had to remind her not to throw things and to play nice and to calm down. She’d get a little too excited for my taste. At one point they were bouncing around some balloons when for some reason she tackled this 4? year old girl from behind locking her arms in a vice and then reaching around to take her baloon from her hands. What the hell is wrong with my child?! She looks so innocent and talks so softly sometimes with cutsey facial expressions and so on. With her speech delay she sounds younger than her age. “Ooh, baby hungry” when the birthday girl was let loose on her own cake.

She had her face painted like a cat but never saw herself in a mirror until we got home and I was getting her ready for bed. She loved it and kept meow’ing and saying that she’s a “kitty cat”. She had a great time.

Me on the other hand. Yeah, I had a good time too. I can’t say I didn’t. My ex-coworker who was throwing the party for her daughter looked great as always. Her house is amazing. It’s only a two floor townhouse but the floor layout makes all the difference. My house is probably just as big or bigger but the layout sucks major sweaty goat balls. It’s terrible. She did a great job decorating it too. Really good.

So I got to talk to one of her friends and she was really nice. I also got to see another old coworker I hadn’t seen in about 2 years. She too has two girls. We all have two girls each. What the hell is it with women who work/ed at my job. Can none of us carry a boy or what?!

Anyway, I couldn’t help but feel like I need to get out and meet new people more often. Like I need to go out of my way to do it too because I just have no friends. Zero. It was nice to see so many kids in one place for a birthday party and moms in the same place as me. Jada’s birthday parties have been pretty devoid of kids and it saddens me because I just don’t know any other mothers with kids her age other than the people I work with. She had a couple neighbors, and another she met at ballet class. Me? nobody. I do have a close friend or two whom I’ve hung out with for years and gotten very close to but they are men. And they don’t have kids. Maybe I’m just too comfortable in my own lonesomeness for my own good. Just because I think it’s good for me, doesn’t mean it’s necessarily good for my kids.