digsite

It’s scenes like this that sum it all up for me.

Tuvok is in his quarters playing Kal-toh. Ensign Kim ‘knocks’ on Tuvok’s door.

Tuvok: “Mr Kim, can I help you?”

Kim: “Uh, that’s kal-toh, isn’t it? Vulcan chess?”

Tuvok: “Kal-toh is to chess, as chess is to tic-tac-toe.”

Kim: “I should’ve known, Uh…”

Tuvok: “What is on your mind, Ensign?”

Kim: “Tuvok, I need your help. I want to eliminate emotions, like Vulcans do.”

Tuvok: “Mr Kim, it is a lifelong process.”

Kim: “I realise that, and I also know that Vulcans use certain techniques.”

Tuvok: “The t’an s’at, the intellectual deconstruction of emotional patterns.”

Kim: “I’m willing to learn.”

Tuvok: “May I ask why?”

Kim: “I have feelings I don’t want to have.”

Tuvok: “That would seem to be self-evident.”

Kim: “I’m in love and I don’t want to be.”

Tuvok: “I see, and who is the object of your affections?”

Kim: “Marayna.”

Tuvok: “I’m not aware of anyone on the ship with that name.”

Kim: “She’s not a member of the crew. She’s a character on a holodeck.”

Tuvok: “You’re in love with a computer subroutine?”

Hilarious.