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For those cyber friends who don’t know, I have a brother who, for lack of a better term, has been a sortof black sheep. I don’t really like the term myself but it makes things easy to understand. He’s a troubled person who has found himself shunned by many in the family for various reasons. I’m probably the only person he’s really got but like I’ve said, there isn’t much I won’t write about here. Besides, it’s no secret to anybody in the family. He’s been a drug user for most of his life. Except for some very early memories before I turned 8, most of my life too.

I really thought he was on a somewhat straight path over the last couple years. As straight as I would ever expect him to get anyway …until just a few short weeks ago.

I found about 20 messages on my phone from him one morning. The first 14 were audio recordings, the 15th was a text message saying that I should save the first 14 because he’s going to be using them in court soon, and the rest were a sortof continuous ranting about a conspiracy against his life by the man he’s living with and that man’s two nephews.

The writing didn’t sound like him. It was “too good”. I thought whoever is texting this stuff really has a handle on the english language so I called him to see if maybe someone had stolen his phone and was playing some stupid game. But it was him. Apparently crack not only makes you paranoid and hear voices coming out of a/c units, but it also makes you a better writer. I should try it sometime.

He talked nonstop for about 40 minutes. Went on and on and on and on about these voices, correction .. “feedback from mics hidden all over his room that feed into the old man’s nephews’ house just a couple blocks away”. Ya. He said they had spent 30k and taken out a 1mil life insurance policy on his head and were now planning on killing him within two weeks so they could cash in. The recordings he sent me were of these supposed voices. He recorded them so he could have proof. In reality, there’s nothing on those recordings. Nothing but the sound of cars in the distance, passing airplanes, birds, and rustling. Maybe he was sitting on a park bench?

He said he had heard voices while he was high before but this time it was different. This time it was REAL. So incase anything happened to him, I’d know the truth and could help detective Vargas convict his killers. Too bad my phone purges text messages after 5 days. I guess now we won’t be able to convict these people. sigh..

As he progressed with his story, it was the cuban couple next door that was in on it too, and Detective Vargas from the miami police, and the guy he helped put in jail when he worked for the police as an informant. All I could think of the whole time was how that poor old man he lives with is dealing with it all. I really hope my brother doesn’t go ape shit on him one day and do him harm.

I had to cut the call short when Maya started to get fussy. I didn’t say much during the call. There just isn’t much you can say to a person who’s high on drugs that they will agree with. At one point he said “I gotta stop this” and I said something like “yes you should stop” and he got upset at me and started to go on a rampage about our dad and how he’s the reason for his life being the fucked up thing it is. He even said he wanted to kill our dad. I left it alone. I won’t say anything to him about it anymore.

I figured his state of mind would clear after some time. But the next day I found 14 more messages on my phone and they kept trickling in during my hours at work. More rampage. More voices. More conspiracy theories. He claims those nephews are responsible for his “beat down” a few months back for which he needed surgery and was hospitalized for a week. I texted him back one time and said that he needed to clean up and that I know he wants to see my kids but I won’t take my two babies anywhere near him or those people he’s been staying with. His messages kept on coming after that. I never replied again.

There was a time when I did try to help him. I’d talk and give advice, give him money, drive him here, there, etc. He’s stolen from me, and even had me sneak out of my house when I lived with my grandparents at 3am one time to go pick his ass up in one of the most fucked up neighborhoods I’d ever been in. It was so bad there were guys on street corners flagging me down so they could sell me shit.

Today, there isn’t much I’m willing to do for him. I had still talked to him on the phone forever (and as soon as he joins us back on earth I will again), but I have already thrown in the towel. As much as my uncle asks that I talk to him, he doesn’t understand that I’ve already been there and done that. He’s made it very clear he will listen to noone and even told me that this is “normal” for him and he’s used to living this way. I have kids now and any parent will know what that is like. I don’t want to risk his bringing any part of that near them. I’ve thought about letting him stay with me but after having kids, it’s just not an option anymore.

He’s going to have to stay with the old man who wants to kill him for money. I only hope my niece and nephews will get a cut.