It seems lately I’ve been growing an obsession with having a purpose. With a need for being useful and making a difference. And I’ve been succeeding at filling that need with my life outside of the house. I’m organized, efficient with my time, positive, trustworthy, and so on. I’m finally tracking my projects and putting things off (at work) is not part of my MO. I’m a soccer mom now. LOL! I take my kid to soccer practice and games on sundays. I try to be talkative with the other parents as much as my personality permits. And I have a pretty un-sociable personality so any bit is good. I’ve been using my dslr camera about ever week, taking a photography course on the side and although I’m a bit behind with the assignments, I’m still doing it and haven’t quit yet.
But in the home? I’m a disaster at home. 
Laundry is piling up terribly. The kids have little to wear. Baths don’t come daily (for me or the kids). There are ..smells.. coming from the bathrooms and anywhere else there’s a trash can (like the baby’s room and the kitchen). Clutter is building up everywhere. Dirt, dog fur, hair, dirty socks ..all over the floor. Just terrible. Everything I had cleaned while on that prozac high from a couple months ago has gone to shit again without the maintenance.
I don’t know what it is about the house that gives me such a mental block. I know what I could do; hire help, get the rumba to maintain the floor, make a schedule for things like trash and laundry, do a little bit every day, etc. But why so hard to apply any of it? When I was on the prozac high, it seemed like all I needed was more energy. Once I got started it wasn’t about energy anymore. I was doing so much around the house but I felt I was doing it more because I enjoyed it, because I felt I could “complete” it and because I had the motivation.
So it seems logical that if a certain routine works well for me at my job, then I should try to apply it at home and treat the house and the various chores like projects and track them like I do the ones for my job. It works over there, so maybe it will work over here. But then what would the driving force be at home? I don’t get paid for time spent cleaning and I don’t have someone to be accountable to like a boss or some department waiting for me to complete something.
But down descends upon my noggin a big old light bulb! I realize that I’m thinking about this all wrong. At work, I’m an employEE, but at home I need to be the employER. The family should be held accountable to me, not myself accountable to some invisible higher force. At home, I need to make the rules and enforce them and like any person who owns their own business, I would probably end up working harder than anyone else. Dammit, I always said I didn’t want to be in management. Now look.
Because I know that nobody around me had a clue how I was feeling. 
Still a little punchy and angry but Rome wasn’t build in a day.
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