I had one of those days today. It wasn’t as bad as “one of those days” usually are because my ability to put myself back on track was really good. So it was still a descent day for me.
I was just thinking yesterday that I’d like to get off my anti-d’s but after having a day like today, I wonder.. Was I able to put myself back on track so easy because of the drug? I don’t know. If that is the reason, I wouldn’t want to stop them now. My life is finally bearable and I have been having more hope in the last few months than I’ve had in the previous 4 years combined. And I don’t want to lose that.
Part of me has believed that depression is a choice. As much as I know that’s not true, in my case I wonder sometimes. When I was in the worst of it, I didn’t try not to be. I had given up. Sure I went to get help. But I did that because I had already given up. I knew if I didn’t get it, I’d never get out of that funk. So maybe I still sortof had hope? I guess. Maybe.
Anyway, I’m getting ready to go on vacation and believe it or not, I can’t wait to get back from it so I can get back to making my life better and improving things in the world we live in day after day. 7 days on the road could be relaxing… but with the kids it could go either way.
I want to make our daily life mo’ better and I can’t hardly wait for that.
