Digsite

Yes, today is better than yesterday. And thank God for that.

I’ve been oddly calm and relaxed since yesterday morning tho. Not sure why. Could it be a result of having worked through 39 of my 41 flagged emails? AND all my other personal action items and tasks I had created over the last few months? Hmmm… it’s funny how that works.

I just made a revelation. Yay, for blogging!

For months I have avoided my task list. And it wasn’t just a matter of procrastinating or perfectionism. I actually tend to get physically uptight. As I click on the little tasks icon, my back, chest and shoulder muscles tighten up and I stop breathing normally. I had always been aware of this physical reaction to working overdue tasks. I just never realized just how RELAXED I could be when they were done. This really makes up for the pain of finishing those dreadful overdue items.

A week long vacation to Disney never could have achieved the Zen feeling I have today. It wasn’t the vacation, or the kids, or the rushness of it all. It was those F’ing 41 flagged emails that kept me from fully enjoying my vacation last month! Goddammit!

Oh well, next time.

So after my post yesterday I get a phone call from mahman and he tells me, “Hi, baby.. I have a surprise for you.” He rarely tells me he’s got a surprise for me, let alone with a sultry tone of voice. He said, “I’m on my way to give it to you. Can you come outside in 45 seconds?”

My mind starts cranking out the possibilities .. flowers… new car … a puppy.. I stopped myself and realiased those were all just crazy so I start cranking out possibilities that made more sense .. DD coffee, cookie, 10 wing platter from Miami Subs…

So I walk out there and he had for me a big fat pretzel from Auntie Anne’s. That just fucking made my fucking day. And I know that sounds angry but I’m not exactly vocabultastic. That was the most delicious pretzel I ever snarfed down. His timing couldn’t have been any better. Bringing me a pretzel from the mall was exactly what I needed to make me feel better.

After getting back to my desk, I was still depressed, but I wasn’t sad. Yes, there’s a difference.

I think after the way my day has been going, I deserve a bad day post.

My day, in the sense of events in my surroundings, has been OK. But my frame of mind and emotional status is not so good. I feel lonely, dejected, unimportant, overlooked, or looked over.

Of course on days like this I have to ask myself. Am I really dejected, unimportant, etc? Or is it just my mind making it seem this way? Is it “all in my head” so to speak. I dont’ know and I’m trying not to spend too much time thinking about it, really. But writing it out tends to clear my head sometimes so here I am.

I just called the spa D got me a gift certificate for last year. Switched my deep muscle massage for an 85 minute facial. The thought of having hands all over my lumpy, fungus ridden body did not sit right. So facial it is. And I feel much better and I can’t wait. I’ve only had 2 facials in my life, and they were always sooo nice. They always ended too early but an 85 minue facial … oooh la la..

If I like it enough I may make going there a more common event. Even tho they are expensive.

So that call made me feel better. But I’m still sitting here at work, alone, while everyone else went out to lunch. That’s the part that is making me feel dejected. It usually doesn’t matter to me, but not today. I missed my happy pill yesterday. Maybe that’s why it’s bothering me today. I don’t know.

But calling the spa and the anticipation for the facial has given me a very calming feeling. I need it.

Earlier today, while getting J ready for preschool…

Me: “Ok Jada, so you’re not going to lick yourself during circle time, right?!”

(she likes to lick her hands and arms like a cat at school, this is a problem)

Jada: (taking too long to answer) “Uhh.. Uh, right.”

Me: “Are you supposed to lick at school?”

Jada: “No.”

Me: “Right. Rule number 1 is No Licking.”

Me: “What’s Rule Number 1?”

Jada: “Um.. no licking.”

Me: “Rule number two is what?”

Jada: “Sit still”

Me: “Good. And rule number 3 is pay attention, OK?”

Jada: “Right.”

Me: “So those are the 3 rules, OK?”

Jada: “No mommy. There are 5 rules.”

Me: “No, mommy only has 3.”

Jada: “You forgot Have Fun.”

(Rule #5 is probably Lollipops for breakfast)

Help Spread the Word About Barack

Sometime last week…

Me: “C’mon Jada, time for bed.”

Jada: “Mommy, I don’t wanna go to sleep.  I like it when the sun goes up.”

Me:  “Well, the sun is down now so it’s time for bed.”

Jada: “ooooohh.” whine whine “But I don’t like to go to sleeeeheheeep”

Tonight…

Me:  “Finish your milk, Jada.  It’s almost time for bed.”

Jada:  “No Mommy.  I’m not good at sleeping …or snoring either”

So I’m slowly getting back into the groove at work  (btw, the slowness at which I adjust to change could land a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records), and I reaffirmed for myself today just how bad I am at getting back to important emails.  I tend to flag and forget a LOT.  How do I get out of this habit?

I think what I need is to set aside some time each week to deal with flagged email .. but the sad thing is, I can’t do this at work.  The distraction at work is too great.  I rarely get to work on project work  at work.   This is why (before vacation) I would work from home a lot.  It wasn’t really a chore for me.  I enjoyed it.

Now tho?  I find I am spending way more time working on the house than on work stuff when I’m at home.  This is good. VERY good. Because I not only feel good about work, I feel good about my home too.   I think as soon as all this catch up work I’m doing is over with, I’ll spend a great deal of time on work at home again. OR a new hobby perhaps?   We’ll see.

One thing that will help greatly is that we are working on getting the baby’s room cleared out to turn it into an office.  I still need to sell a dresser, crib, changing table and glider chair.   I’m very excited about a few changes I’m making to the interior of the house.  My goal is just to make it feel more like a home instead of some walls and a roof we live under.  It’s never really felt good to me.

But yea, flag and forget?  This needs to change.  Another thorn my borderline OCD self needs work out of her side.