Digsite

And I’ve been soooo tired. But not because I’ve been cleaning all that much. I’ve been dragging thru some things today but still making some progress.

All the clothes I washed on Sunday are put away. I have another load in the dryer, another in the wash, and there’s always another waiting to be washed next. The worst part of the floor in our bedroom is clean, The living room floor is clean and free from junk. But despite all this I’m painfully aware that I could have done twice as much by now. Still, I need to try not to think about the negative. It’s a miracle I’ve gotten anything done with as tired as I’ve been. I slept on the couch for 2 hours from 3 to 5 today and I’m surprised the kids disappeared long enough to let me do it. Thank god I don’t have that weird feeling I normally get after sleeping in the middle of the day. I just feel more rested, but thirsty as fuck. I’ve had 3 glasses of water so far.

Anyway, I knew my idea of installing my own wiki to track my progress was dumb. But I didn’t have any other ideas for getting off my ass. But that sort of project management shit never works for me anyway. I knew better, but I wasted more time and installed it anyway. Now I’ve got one on my vps account with Halo installed. I gotta say tho I made some progress and solved a couple issues with Halo that I was having before that. Halo (not the game) is so freakin cool I want to make up a reason to use it. But how the hell do you break a house down into properties? lol. I could probably break down my entire life and fit it into a wiki. Sigh.. How depressing.

But anyway I know I need to sleep more hours. I need to make a date with sleep. take a couple pills when the kids are in bed, shower, get clean sheets, and sink peacefully into my bed for 12 hours. It might help recharge my batteries.

I don’t think my reality vacation is working…

I’m on day 2 of a 5 day “reality vacation” which I thought would help me break away from certain (cyber)things and focus only on my home, my kids, and myself. So in layman’s terms, I took 3 days off work (on top of my weekend) to clean house.

Ok, so day 2 is just beginning so there’s hope. But what have I done so far? About 4 loads of laundry and 2 dishwasherfuls of dishes. And I fixed the filters on the fish tank. … Ok so maybe I have gotten a few things done but I could have done more. Despite all of that, I’ve spent a lot of time sitting around.

I think what bothers me most is that my mind just isn’t into it. I’m not in a “take charge” frame of mind about cleaning. And usually if I’m not there, shit just doesn’t get done right.

So what’s my brain really into right now? Well… I installed Halo on a test copy of our work wiki. It’s fucken cool as fuck. Need I say more? I’d put it on our real wiki if I can fix the one very annoying bug and don’t find any others. But still, I shouldn’t be doing that shit right now. I should be cleaning like a mad woman, going shopping, giving my kids baths and putting clean clothes on them, washing my hair, shaving my legs, polishing furniture. Sigh…

So how do I trick my brain into going into “take charge” mode? Believe it or not, I’m thinking of wiping my homemaker/declutter website I started a couple months ago and using a WikiMedia instead of Joomla, and then use it to track my progress. I’d have to clean my SLR camera to take before and after pictures.. (Dennis would love that). But Here’s the catch. It would take a while to get that set up. 30 minutes to install it, another 30 to install Halo, 30 minutes to clean my camera… Ok, so maybe it won’t take that long. OK, so maybe I’ll do it.

I knew there was a reason blogging helps.

Well, here I sit. On the couch. Eating jelly beans. Watching Fear and loathing, while soaking my feet in vinegar diluted in water. I feel my life somewhat …lacking. And at the same time I feel relaxed and content.

The yellow jelly beans suck tho…

So what else would I want to rant or write about but the disastrous state of my house? That’s all making the news these days. I went from being exTREMEly anal and not tolerating the smallest thing out of place, to being completely uncaring of things and throwing towels and laundry on the floor and sleeping on dirty sheets. So sad. I was wondering last week if I might be getting depressed again.

I’ll say one thing for certain tho.. and it’s that sometimes I feel like I’m not living my waking hours in a state where I’m surrounded by reality. In other words, I feel as if I’m living in a constant dream-state. Every now and again something jars me out of it long enough to notice that I’m not living in the now.

Just last week I looked over at my kids and a sense of reality washed over me. I “woke up” and suddenly realized that I have two kids and it was as if I was seeing them for the first time. It was a surprising moment. Like cold water splashing on my face. I felt like I was missing out on something good.

I think this has a lot to do with the fact that I bury myself in one thing or another and don’t look up often enough to interact with the real people around me, where I live, and the normal household chores I should be keeping up with. Hence, the disastrous state of my house.

I have good news tho, my house is finally getting painted. The guy across the street is doing the work… slowly… because he does it in the evenings, but we have one full coat of primer on the house now. Sometime in the next few days, the first coat of paint will go up. I’m not totally sold on the color I chose, but the one I really want is close enough that if I change my mind after coat #1, I will get the second half of the paint in that color instead.

I have more to say.. but that would be going off on a tangent. More later. ciao!

WordPress just told me there’s a new version out so I’m about to upgrade my blog. And before I break this blog, I figured I’d post something since it has been so long.

So what new obsession has taken me away from my blog? Oh just another site. I swear if it isn’t one obsession it’s another. I need to start obsessing about house cleanliness again if I ever want to invite another person over.

When I got home from work today, I literally got a rake out of the garage and started raking the living room. And I’m not kidding. Everything is in a pile now in the middle of the floor in the next room, and I’ve been slowly picking things out of it. First was laundry, then trash, then shoes. Dunno what I’ll pick out of it next. It’s not so big now. I think there’s video games ang toys next..

But anyways, my mood is so-so… kindof BLAH. which is great. I rather be BLAH than down and out. Then again when I obsess over things, there is little time to think about anything else. I wonder if there is a med for obsessing.

Anyways.. work is still my escape from life, my house is getting painted next week, and my younger daughter will be turning 2 years old in ten days. I have no other news to speak of.

Now it’s time to break my blog..