Digsite

That’s about all I have new going on with me lately. Where do I start…

Meditation:
A week ago I was sitting on my therapist’s couch (really good one, btw – the therapist, not the couch) venting about something that had just occurred one hour prior with my daughter Jada. I told him about how angry I get over her reaction to my brushing her hair. She cries, I get pissed, she cries some more, and I turn into the ugliest bitch mother on earth, which I hate. As I was telling the story, I was getting more and more uptight and angry. The event was still very fresh on my mind and I guess he saw something a little not-so-good because he sent me home with a CD copy of some meditation track with some guy giving instructions to “breeeeeathe” and “reelaaaaaax”. LOL! So halfway thru the week I finally listened to it, loved it, BECAUSE IT WORKS!, and now I have downloaded a bunch of mediation music and instruction tracks on my iphone which I listen to ALL THE TIME. I don’t have to be trying to meditate, the meditation music is enough to slow me down and put me a nice mental state. I’m really diggin it.

Podcasts:
With my searches for meditation type stuff on itunes, I stumbled on some podcasts. I knew about podcasts, we all know about podcasts. But I just never looked into them. And for some reason I assumed they weren’t free. But guess what, THEY’RE FREE!! And now I have a collection of about 150 podcasts on my iphone, and a few I have liked enough to subrscribe to, from Grammer Girl (which I love) to Manners Guy, Getting It Done Dude, Meditation Station, Obama’s podcast, BCC World News, just everything. And I’ve found that some of these, really help to put me in a happy place too

Piano:
Every time I get into a new interest, I spend a couple hundred bucks on equipment of some kind. Photography – a camera and lenses, Dog Agility – adopted dog (low cost but, vet bills), etc… So now that I’ve rediscovered piano and thought it was fun to video tape myself playing (however imperfect it was) I had to buy a tripod and an external microphone. The microphone arrived today and it’s pretty obvious it’s pretty useless without a stand. So, another 25 bucks for a mic stand today too… All worth it for me tho, I’m having a great time with it right now.

A Movie:
I went to see He’s Just Not That Into You today.   Nice movie, I’d recommend it.   I’d watch it again.  A couple of the relationship situations hit home with me.  Including Gigi’s at the end of the movie.

Also,  left ear is still fucked and right ear might be following suit.  I’m half def, folks.  If righty wants to check out, you’ll have to yell at me like I’m a 90 year old.  So that’s it y’all.   It’s late, and I’m high on Nyquil.

It’s times like now I wish I had a live in therapist.  I’m feeling certain things and I don’t understand it.    I’m feeling annoyed, pissed, irritated, sad, depressed, and disappointed.   And I don’t know why.

I know what occurred to make me feel like this, but I don’t know WHY what occurred would make me feel like this.  It doesn’t make sense, and I need to make sense of it.   I have turmoil of the brain and it’s driving me insane.  (that rhymes!)  Or is it the insane causing the turmoil in the brain?

Anyway, fast forward and in my attempt at self-analysis, I sortof typed it out hours ago and it boiled down to one thing.  I think.   My latest little obsession has me concerned.    I’ve been bitten by the piano bug and my concern is that it’s just another one of my transient obsessions and for the first time I’m really pissed off about it.   I WANT to have something I can dive into head first and escape with if that’s what it is.   And finally something I think I can be good at and have fun with.  But wait…  unlike everything else I’ve thought I could be good at and have fun with?    Maybe this is what makes me so fucken pissed off.

I’m halfway done learning the hardest piece I’ve ever attempted to learn.   Even those old classical 12 page pieces with trill notes all over the place weren’t this hard.   And I’m probably going to learn the second half PISSED OFF and to make some point to myself  that I’m going to fucken do it whether I like it or not.   Fuck.   I want to get into a fight with that fucken piano right now.

Yea, I could use a good therapist to break this one down for me now.