Digsite

A: Oh, I dunno… Ok, I guess.

I’m alive. Finally decided when J & M’s birthday party would be. Sent out invites to J’s classmates. And started a little of the preparations which involves some house cleaning and repair. I don’t want to be overly embarrassed by the state of the house on party day. More importantly, I don’t want to have it on my mind at all that day.

Other than that, I’m counting down hte days to my arthroscopic surgery on Friday. Can’t wait to get it done. This week, brushing my hair became painful. So it’s still getting worse. I just hope the doctor doesn’t leave my arm paralyzed or something. (not to self: “think positively!”)

I am also on a bit of a mission to address some things at home (house wise) and at work that have gotten really old. Projects that have been dragging for months and months. Just tired of not giving any of those things finality. It’s still a pain to get going, but it’s become a bigger pain not to get going. So the bigger pain has been having a bigger impact on what gets done.

Marriage wise.. it’s been OK. D and I had our first visit with the therapist as a couple last week. That was scary. I didn’t know what we’d talk about but the topic that did come up would have been better served left alone. I was doing OK thinking ahead, not behind. I just hope that I can find a way to put those things back into the BACK of the closet. Not there yet. But anyway…

At least the wheels are turning, instead of sitting collecting cob webs and rust.

Not that I like getting sliced into by men with knives but GODDAM am I happy that my right shoulder problem is going to be fixed soon. I’m SO tired of living with an arm I can only use painlessly 50% of the time.

In 2 weeks I go in for outpatient surgery. I SOO can’t wait! I don’t care if it hurts like a bitch afterwards. The important thing is it’s F’ing getting fixed ! yippee!!

Over the past couple years, my right shoulder has been giving me trouble.    At first it was a little painful to lift my arm up and back to get my hand in my pants pocket.  Then over the months it’s gotten worse and now I can’t even wipe my ass with my right hand or pull my underwear or pants on.   And bras are impossible.  I’ve gotten good at using my left arm to do it all.

So I finally took my ass to see an orthepedic surgeon this week and got a couple x-rays.   He says it’s a calcium deposit, but all I could see was this marble sized thing in between the bones in the joint.

Before scheduling the arthroscopic surgery, the man wanted an MRI so I went yesterday to get that done.   MRIs, I thought, were supposed to be easy.  You just lay there and meditate while the machine does its thing.    Well this was my first time but apparently I’m not a still breather.  I thought I was really still but the technician said I was moving too much.  I’m not sure I could have done anything short of stopping my heart to be more still.   Man that was a pain in the ass.

The cool thing is I got the pictures on a cd and looked at them on my laptop.  I have no clue what I’m seeing, but something don’t look right on one of them.

While helping Maya get her pajamas on for bed…

Me:  “…arms up…”

Maya: Raises arms

Me: Pull her shirt off over her head

Maya: “Wook mommy, I big giwl now.  I got boobies.”

Me: Looks over to see Maya pointing at her toddler nipples.

So I called my psychatric nurse lady yesterday as she requested and told her how drug S has been affecting me over the last few days.  She said cut the dosage in half.  So I am.

The grogginess has been gone since Wednesday, but my ability to think straight was shot.  Today is better.   We’ll see how this goes.  I might have to got down half of half.  But anyways…

I don’t have a lot to talk about.  Because being unable to think straight has been the main focus for me lately.   Which is ironic.   I’m focusing on not being able to focus.   Or concentrating on my lack of concentration.   Thank God I’m not dosing myself.

In the last 3 days, despite feeling like a post-invasion human, I’ve done a bit of cleaning up around the house especially the kids rooms (now room – singular ). Between their unwanted toys and clothes, and Dennis’ and my unwanted books, clothes and shoes, we filled up 9 big boxes for goodwill. 9 boxes + 4 big items = 28 “things” purged.

Today the entire day was spent on laundry. I think the total number of loads worked on comes to 6. And I did the first 2 in slooow motion.

I’m confused how I didn’t sleep all that well waking up all night but I felt like I could have slept all morning. On previous nights, I’ve slept like the dead on that drug. I took today off from work which is just as well considering how useless I was and could barely concentrate on laundry. I just hope tomorrow I don’t feel as tired as I’ve been all week.

So back to housework… next I will probably turn my focus towards the paper mess on the kitchen table. We haven’t eaten at that table in months because of the stacks and stacks of papers. Bills, statements, mail, etc. Just crap. After that’s cleared, we can give away that table and buy a new one. It’s falling apart.