Digsite

And I say finally because I ended up upgrading this blog to 2.9.1 and then upgrading 9 plugins before I finally allowed myself to start a new post.

This week has been both good and bad for me. Two days ago I got really pissed off when I found out someone had said something about me that they had no business saying. It was complete ass talk. Idle lips… that sort of thing.   And when met with the question of whether my husband should have told me about it or not, by both himself and someone else, I felt confused. Of course he should have told me. He’s my husband. If anybody should have my back and look out for me, it should be my husband!

Thankfully I didn’t handle it as badly as I could have …been there done that. I was pissed, but I kept my cool enough to allow time to introduce a bit of reason. Some people are just so stupid, tho. Of all people to go saying bad things about you… a spouse? C’mon, now… WTF is wrong with people?!

But anyway, to change the subject to something completely unrelated…

I thought I was done obsessing about being organized but I can’t even fool myself. Maybe I’ll use this post as a way to think thru this. OK, so this is a bit of OCD talking, ok? If you don’t know what that’s like, then this whole thing will be puzzling to you. Here are the questions that go round and round in my head. “Thinking Rock? Things? Damn it, Trenotes has never gone away. Thinking Rock? Things? iphone app. Damn it, so confusing.” And it starts all over again and again. That’s my brain in a loop and the thoughts in my my head are always making confused left and right turns and hitting other thoughts until enough dirt is kicked up that all I can see is a dust bowl. I can’t see where I’m going. That’s the problem, really. I can’t see where I’m going. So my obsession with trying to GET organized is all about clearing my view and giving me a clue what direction I should go. I once drove somewhere with my dad while I had a migraine. My vision was impaired and I was a good 50% blind. Almost had an accident. That’s what thinking has been like for me. I’m basically running blind and I’m searching around on the ground for my seeing eye glass. Those three witches from Clash of the Titans comes to mind. Yep, that’s me.

When I use words like “see”, it’s a literal meaning.  I have to make a picture in my mind of what I should do next, and I can’t see it!  When I described the dust bowl, it’s literally a big fog I see in my mind’s eye and because of this I can’t take the next step.  I mentioned on FB how I’m a visual thinker (and many people are) so I literally have to SEE the path I’m taking with anything.  I’m talking specifically about work projects, house chores, what I want to do for my kids, car maintenance… just anything.   I have to see it or I can’t do it.  What a fucking disability that is.

I just thought of an exercise I could try.  Meditation while visualizing myself doing something to its completion.  Steps laid out in detail is the concept of GTD.  But maybe I never could put it in practice because I also need to visualize it beforehand instead of merely listing it on paper or some tool beforehand.   Man, what a thought.   The times I’ve cleaned house, that’s what I’ve done.  Hrm…  but when I did the garage, I didn’t visualize it, I just did it.  But still, I had a camera going the whole time and I was constantly thinking about the images being captured.  So maybe that compensated for my lack of foresight.   sigh….  My brain hurts.   Break time.