Well, my weekend is over and I’ve spent it barefoot and in the same pair of pajama pants I put on Saturday night. There are important things I could have done like laundry, sweeping, shopped for clothes to wear at my sister’s wedding, or filling out Maya’s registration papers for school, but I didn’t. Instead, I spent the entire time working on LivePress and learning about http headers, learning how to formulate a good user-agent string, and editing & testing a 3rd party xmlrpc library D found on the net. This library is old (2005) so it still passed references to variables despite the warnings instituted in PHP 5.3.0,. I changed those and it seems to work, but of course now I’m worried about the security of said library. If it’s that old, I can’t say I can trust it.
Aside from the above, I got caught up with the emails and processed the 6 bug reports I hadn’t read yet on google code and answered a couple support forum posts.
Man, abandoning a responsibility like that weighs heavy on me. It isn’t until I work on it that I feel the heaviness lift and wonder why I waited so long. My problem is I do all or nothing. I either abandon it completely, or it’s all I do morning and night. I just don’t know what the next step is for me to change that. I think I have a better understanding of what makes me be this way and I didn’t think that the knowledge of it was helping me make different choices this weekend. But now that I’m sitting here reflecting, I know that it did help.
First, I didn’t get AS obsessed as I normally do. For example, I was able to watch the kids and interact with them without losing my temper – even when they were interrupting something important. I was able to take a few minutes break to give them a bath – minus the laptop – and make them dinner – minus the laptop. I didn’t feel AS bad about spending my time on one thing as I normally would. I kept telling myself that what I _was_ doing was just one of the many things I had been putting off for far too long and the fact that I was doing it was a positive thing. Soon I would be able to check it off the list and establish some daily or weekly schedule for keeping it maintained. I realize fixing the things I want to fix will take time so I will do one item at a time. I still have that urge to bang it all out yesterday, but good habits aren’t formed that way. I’ve had to remind myself at least once why LivePress became so abandoned again. <analogy ahead> I think I pressed the gas so incredibly hard that my engine blew out. And it took almost a full year for that engine to become repaired. And I reminded myself that I don’t want to blow out my engine. <insert sexual innuendo here>
So I’m not sure what the next step is, but I’m going to figure it out. (how’s that for positive thinking, eh?)
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