digsite

I just had a nightmare and I woke up before the grand finale but I can’t get back to sleep and I can’t shake that bad feeling so here goes.

I’m at a busy mall or shopping center at night when I walk out to my car and get in. The parking lot is very busy and filled with cars and people walking to and from their cars. As I’m getting in and getting ready to pull out of my space, I notice a blue car with its headlights on parked across from me getting ready to leave as well.

I got out of my parking space and drove off, so did this blue car. I’m driving for a minute when I stop somewhere and end up driving into a parking lot. I stop in the middle of it for some reason I can’t recall anymore. I’m doing who knows what chatting it up with somebody I know in the middle of the parking lot when I look over and notice a blue car with it’s headlights on driving slowly passed us. Somehow I know that the person inside this blue car is called “Louie”. I think the person I was with might have told me it was Louie, but I’m not sure now. I didn’t think much of it. I had just left the mall which was next door so he was probably just taking the same route.

I finish my conversation with the person I’m with and we get in our cars and drive our separate ways. I drive for a long while on a freeway (I guess I was far from home) and I’m getting closer to home and interestingly I am testing a new navigational tool. I’m steering with a laptop touch pad. Very strange. I was doing pretty well too!

As I’m nearing my house I happen to drive by work and I decide to stop in. By this time it had gotten very late, but I was going to “try something” with this touchpad which I can’t seem to remember what that was now that I’m awake. I successfully parked my car using the touchpad. Very smooth parking, btw. Then I got out of the car. I remember thinking it was extremely late now. It felt very late, quiet, and desolate like 3am or something like that.

The plan was I’d stop in to work to “try something” and when I was done I would drive straight home making no more stops. So I got out of the car and lazily openned the back door to get my purse. I looked towards the building and the rest of the lot and noticed how eerily quiet it was. It looked like it had just rained too. The ground was wet. I hadn’t even shut my door yet when I turned back to my open car and looked to my right and there was a blue car just sitting a few yards away in the middle of the lot between rows of parking spaces with it’s headlights on. I just got chills typing that! I froze in my shoes when I saw the car because I realized then that it had been following me all this time. It was no coincidence this time and it wasn’t following me to make sure I got home safe, either.

Why would this person follow me this late at night? I couldn’t go home now or he’d know where I lived. My mind was racing and I feared for my safety. I needed to get inside the building and then watch until that car went away or call the police.

This is when the dream ended and my mind kept asking myself who this Louie was and what he wanted with me. What if I had forgotten my door pass and couldn’t get in the building? Would I just get back in my car and drive off? If I did that, tho, he’d know I realized he’s following me and he might do something drastic like ram my car or drive up along side me and pull the trigger. I was still half asleep until I woke up all the way laid there in bed trying to remember the entire dream and trying to analyze it.

Someone suggested recently to me that dreams mean a lot more than random thoughts. If a dream takes place inside of a house then the rooms involved represent some part of the mind. But this one took place on a road, there was a lot of driving and stops along the way.

Maybe it had something to do with this reunion/party I’m going to today. I found out brother#1 is trying to facilitate brother#2 to attend. I’d be more than happy if brother#2 didn’t show up at all after that last time I talked to him. I’ve already said more than once I wouldn’t be surprised, with the state of mind he’s been in lately, if he showed up with a gun and shot up the place. If he did show up I really don’t think he would do that but if he did do it, I wouldn’t be surprised. Maybe he’s this Louie and the driving represents all the driving we’re going to be doing tomorrow. er… today. But it’s not my life I worry about, it’s my kids. I don’t want them caught in the middle of anything.

Brother#1 hasn’t lived as long as I have having to deal with brother#2’s issues as long as I have so I guess he feels differently about it all. He hasn’t loaned him as much money as I have, he hasn’t given him rides around shitty neighborhoods like I have (at 3am), he hasn’t had precious jewelry from his dead mother stolen from him like I have, he hasn’t caught him in as many lies as I have, he hasn’t heard the anger in his voice when he vowed to kill someone close to us and in the same breath describe the voices he heard coming from the air vents like I have… he will tho. And after another couple years, he might give up on brother#2 much like I have. I just hope he doesn’t let brother#2 take something far more precious away from him before he takes his trust.