I got to work late today. Not unusual but I woke up in some kind of trance and found it hard to get going. I finally got to work and I was just so fucked up I had to leave early. I got home before noon and collapsed into my bed. It was hard to get comfortable at first because of my constant shoulder pain but 6 hours later I woke up. No idea how I managed to find a spot that didn’t hurt. I got up, not because I was done sleeping, but because M kept crying. I don’t know when D left for work but he hda put the kids down for a nap beforehand and she was tired of being in her crib. So I got up tired. 3 hours later and I was still a walking zombie. The sleep didn’t seem to work. Then I started to research natural cures for Tinea on the internet and remembered my garlic pills I bought weeks ago but never started to take. So I took one. I also been drinking water tonight. just 30 minutes ago I felt really good but that only lasted a few minutes. Now I’m tired again and wondering where that fucking smell in my living room is coming from. It smells like decomposing flesh. But anyways…
I decided I need to see a dermatologist, not another foot doctor. What I’ve got is systemic. All over the body problem. It’s been getting really bad this week. I like to say it’s getting angry. I even think I’m getting it on my hands again, but I can’t be sure of that. So I’ll make a call on monday. Garlic is a natural antifungal, so I’ll keep up with that and the water.
I watched August Rush last night. Twice. I don’t usually talk about movies, but it is an amazing movie. The sort that leaves you sitting there like a dunce while the credits roll pondering the incredible secrets of the world waiting to be discovered. (like the ‘force’) lol.
I think the fungus is going to win, it’s taking over and I’m not awake enough to use any ammunition.
“Dr. K, I think I’m getting depressed again”
“Really? Tell me what’s been going on..”
“I’m walking around in a haze. The only thing that feels normal is sleeping. Maybe I just need to get out more, but I’m not entirely convinced. Maybe this is fate’s way of telling me that I’m at the end of my days and I should just lay down and accept it. But that doesn’t sound very fun.”
Think if I tell this to my Dr. she’ll have me committed? At my worst I had said far worse than this. She later told me she almost had me hospitalized. LOL! Fun!
And I’ve been soooo tired. But not because I’ve been cleaning all that much. I’ve been dragging thru some things today but still making some progress.
All the clothes I washed on Sunday are put away. I have another load in the dryer, another in the wash, and there’s always another waiting to be washed next. The worst part of the floor in our bedroom is clean, The living room floor is clean and free from junk. But despite all this I’m painfully aware that I could have done twice as much by now. Still, I need to try not to think about the negative. It’s a miracle I’ve gotten anything done with as tired as I’ve been. I slept on the couch for 2 hours from 3 to 5 today and I’m surprised the kids disappeared long enough to let me do it. Thank god I don’t have that weird feeling I normally get after sleeping in the middle of the day. I just feel more rested, but thirsty as fuck. I’ve had 3 glasses of water so far.
Anyway, I knew my idea of installing my own wiki to track my progress was dumb. But I didn’t have any other ideas for getting off my ass. But that sort of project management shit never works for me anyway. I knew better, but I wasted more time and installed it anyway. Now I’ve got one on my vps account with Halo installed. I gotta say tho I made some progress and solved a couple issues with Halo that I was having before that. Halo (not the game) is so freakin cool I want to make up a reason to use it. But how the hell do you break a house down into properties? lol. I could probably break down my entire life and fit it into a wiki. Sigh.. How depressing.
But anyway I know I need to sleep more hours. I need to make a date with sleep. take a couple pills when the kids are in bed, shower, get clean sheets, and sink peacefully into my bed for 12 hours. It might help recharge my batteries.
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