digsite

I keep meaning to execute my plan and just recreate this todo list I have on trenotes, but I keep putting it off, going to forums, surfing this, surfing that… Just now I said to myself “ok, now i’m gonna do it” so I switch to Trenotes and what do i do? take a deep sigh, and roll my eyes. Do I not know where to start? Do I not think it will work? um… let’s analyze… yes and yes.

I’m not sure how to set it up. I mean I’ve done it before in a format I thought was perfect but I just didn’t do it. So what went wrong? I dunno but I think i’m blaming the list itself. If something is wrong with the list, then HOW should I recreate that list? One thing I don’t want to do is recreate my ENTIRE list. I want to make a small list today to be used today. But what will I be wanting to accomplish once I get home? I have no F’ing clue. I know I just have to get the hell off my lazy ass and JUST DO IT. Even though I’m pregnant, my body hurts, I’m more tired than normal and have to move slowly, my problem now is the same problem I’ve had forever. I feel discouraged to get anything done because I feel when something is clean, organized, decluttered , dh just doesn’t help keep it that way. My efforts are for naught. But is it really him? How do I know? I mean, when he has no consideration for my efforts, I quit too so my mess contributes to his mess and as long as he sees a mess, he keeps adding to it. And as long as I know part of it is my mess, I don’t feel like I want to say anything to him about it either. Maybe I give up too quickly. I know I never used to but I think I just got tired of arguing with him and feeling like he thinks i’m just a bossy & demanding bitch. NOT the role I signed up for. I just wish he didn’t put me in that position. I know if we ever separate that’s one thing I will have off my shoulders and will feel GOOD about not having to deal with again. I’m not saying I want us to separate but having that same wieght on me is tiring and I really do wish I could just free myself from it.

Anyways, hubby aside, I want to focus on things without thinking of all that negativity. Hard to do, tho.

Aaaaanyways, What do I want to do today? What REALLY needs to be done?

- get vmail off phone and write down name & number for lady from therapist place.
- find letter from car ins. and sign and put car title into envelope and into the mailbox.

those two items are really THE most important things.

then I need to get food. I wanted to cook but if I do that, I will have zero energy for anything else. So ..

- get a rotisserie chicken from publix to eat with the pasta I made last night.
- while at publix get ball park hotdogs and chef boyardie stuff.

After that and feeding J and changing my clothes after picking her up from daycare, and I’ll feel beat.

I could sit down for an hour to rest then do something else, but problem is once I sit down, I won’t be able to get back up. That fucking couch has a way of zapping all of my energy. God I loved that living room set when we first bought it but it is terrible for me now. I need to figure out something else .. but I have no fucking clue what. I mean, I can’t watch tv from the piano room couch. ugh..

The BEST way to rest would be to lay in bed for an hour. That would give me the boost I need to do something else but problem is J won’t stay in the bedroom with me. You know, what I need is to put a TV in my room. I could lay there while she watches something on TV. That is the best solution by far. However, we weren’t going to move the living room tv into the bedroom until after we got a new wide screen tv for the living room. As expensive as those are, we won’t be doing that anytime soon. Well, maybe if I bought a cheep tv for the bedroom… that would work. Maybe a tv small enough to put in J’s room when she’s older. Or into the garage once that’s finished. It would really help me.

Well, there’s an idea.

OK, well, what else. I need to come with a schedule next. Not so much a LIST but a schedule I can print out in a calendar. Our biggest problem right now is our bathrooms. I will put only bathrrom chores in it for now to keep it simple. JUST so I can print out the damned thing already. Then we can build on that as time passes.

I think the above is a great start. Man, thank god I decided to vent about this on here cuz I wouldn’t have come up with it otherwise. THANKS BLOG OF MINE!