And I brought back more than souvenirs. It’s 3pm and this is the first time I’ve been able to sit up long enough to write something in here (or watch TV). Last night was a tag team race between my ass an my stomach to see which one could expel the most “waste”. At one point I had to get up from the can to turn around and give my stomach a turn. I didn’t do it soon enough. I was afraid my ass would decorate the walls. But my stomach did that instead. I still haven’t gotten enough energy to clean it up. Dennis won’t touch it of course.
Then I was so dehydrated all I could think of was water. My tongue was sticking to the roof of my mouth but I couldn’t hold down the water either. I was able to drink about 6 glasses of water little by little between naps all day today. But the water is still only getting absorbed cuz only my ass has been getting points in the waste race.
Sigh… I have a fever. I think I got this from Maya because she had been refusing to eat anything the last 3 days and spitting up a lot. Something she hadn’t done since she was less than a year old. I’m feeling cold, clammy, achy, dizzy, and sleepy. My fever is at 101 F. It must have been around 103 earlier at least because I’m not feeling as cold as I was.
But besides all this, our vacation was fun. We saw a lot, did a lot, the kids had fun. We got a room upgrade to a one bedroom and it had a washer and dryer, full kitchen, big ass tub which me and the kids got in the first hour there. The trip also had it’s high stress moments. Sortof expected when you travel with two little kids. But it was so interesting to see Jada’s outgoing personality in full gear. She introduced herself to everybody. I mean EVERYBODY. Total strangers at the park, the bus drivers, our hotel neighbors, the cleaning crews, Mickey, Minnie, Donald, and Stitch too. LOL! She had an awesome time.
Sigh, I’m beginning to feel like ass again. Time for another nap.
I’m glad I took the day off to pack cuz this place was a wreck and its state wasn’t helping me think straight. Finally now it’s cleaned up and the laundry is nearly done. Of course our dryer just had to take a crap today leaving us with two wet loads and one dirty. Dennis is at the laundromat finishing it up right now.
I think I also needed today to help ease my mind into vacation mode. For once I’m not thinking about work projects at home and I’ve happily given myself permission not to care about them. I’ve enjoyed work more recently than I have in a long time, but I still need to find a balance between obsessing over work and enjoying some leisure time with the kids. Soon work won’t need to be an escape from my chaotic house..
This morning a freecycler came by to take away our old entertainment center. The girl didn’t come but she sent a couple guys. What’s puzzling is that her email address led me to her website where she claims to be a freelance designer. Before the guys left I mentioned that I had visited her website. He said she’s now started a site about raw food. www.therawdivas.com
I wonder if she really got the ent. center for herself. Or if it’s for the friend who came to pick it up. Not that I care either way. It’s just that I thought a successful internet business always equated to much Moohlah. Like my sister in law’s future husband’s bitness. xomba.com. I’d love to have a money yielding website too. But they’re a lot of work too. sigh…
I had one of those days today. It wasn’t as bad as “one of those days” usually are because my ability to put myself back on track was really good. So it was still a descent day for me.
I was just thinking yesterday that I’d like to get off my anti-d’s but after having a day like today, I wonder.. Was I able to put myself back on track so easy because of the drug? I don’t know. If that is the reason, I wouldn’t want to stop them now. My life is finally bearable and I have been having more hope in the last few months than I’ve had in the previous 4 years combined. And I don’t want to lose that.
Part of me has believed that depression is a choice. As much as I know that’s not true, in my case I wonder sometimes. When I was in the worst of it, I didn’t try not to be. I had given up. Sure I went to get help. But I did that because I had already given up. I knew if I didn’t get it, I’d never get out of that funk. So maybe I still sortof had hope? I guess. Maybe.
Anyway, I’m getting ready to go on vacation and believe it or not, I can’t wait to get back from it so I can get back to making my life better and improving things in the world we live in day after day. 7 days on the road could be relaxing… but with the kids it could go either way.
I want to make our daily life mo’ better and I can’t hardly wait for that.
Not much to report today. I cleaned dog pee on two separate occasions. Same with dog poop even tho I let them out three times. They don’t like walking on wet grass. I thought about how wonderful it would be to be dogless for the 2nd and 3rd times this week. They really piss me off.
It was daycare day for Jada so I got a nice break from her. When I dropped her off, tho, I saw some behaviour with another kid that started to get me worried. I was always the social retard growing up which translated into my being a social retard as an adult and I don’t want that for her. She looks so much like me that I worry she might start to be like me in that regard too so I’m always looking out for signs.
She separated herself from the other kids and went to stand all alone at the other side of the room. She did this after she did something to make one of the kids mad enough to scream at her. I didn’t catch whatever it was she did but it made that kid pretty freaken angry! Part of my social retardedness also involved being mean to other kids because I lacked the communication skills to be anything else.
Continue reading ‘Vacation day #10: lazy day’
Today was my last get-my-ass-up-at-6am, stumble-out-the-house work day before I enter into an eleven day retreat. I think I mentioned this before but I won’t be going anywhere special. I’ll be staying home. What bliss! I have wanted to have a stay-at-home-by-my-damned-self vacation forEVER. I love my husband but goddam I’m going to love being alone for a change. It would have been better still without the kids if I could manage to not worry about them every minute. This is as alone as I’ll ever be the rest of my life, gods willing.
I should write a poem!
Ode to vacation
ding dong, my pass is hung
gas you pass? my work door pass.
ding dong, my wretched pass is flung!
goodbye for eleven days!
my crotch’s ablaze for a drinking craze
oy-vey! I needs me some good lays
work’s gone where aunt flow goes
down the drain, no one knows
Kicked up my feet for some repose
ding dong, I flung my pass
it swung into a pile of dung
ding dong, it’s time to smoke some grass!!
I just scheduled eleven days of vacation for early next month. I’m not going anywhere, just staying at home. I’m not even going to have company either.ÂÂ
I had to schedule it because Dennis will be going to Germany on business and I need to stay home with the kids since we really don’t have anybody who can babysit them while I’m at work. We had thought of packing up everybody and making a big trip out of Germany but I’m not so sure I want to do that with a 7 month old baby. I rather wait until they’re older so at least the older one can remember it a little and we could leave the strollers and play pens at home.
The downside of this is that I’ll be using up every last one of my vacation days for the year which means that I won’t be able to take any time off for the holidays. That’s OK tho. I’m looking forward to the eleven days alone with the kids. It will be a nice vacation from everything. Sure I’ll have kids to look after but that’s no big deal for me. I’ll take them out during the day and go to the park or the mall and make it fun for them too.
God forbid, tho, that anybody gets sick during those days. Now that would completely ruin the whole thing.
Jubilant